When I See You Again

Part 9

Did Stevie feel good about the things she said over at Lindsey's? No, not anymore. But he pushed her. He knew, how to make her angry and he did. He brought it on himself. That was what Stevie kept telling herself anyway. She wasn't sure she believed it. It was certainly keeping her up, it was well past midnight. She had already tried to write, play the piano, get in bed for some sleep. Since not of that worked, Stevie went in search for a bottle of whatever, it didn't matter. One her way, she remember those pills she'd been prescribed. Maybe, alcohol was not the answer, maybe she should take the medicine instead. Returning to her bedroom, Stevie opened the top drawer of her nightstand and grabbed the pills. Without reading the instructions, she spilled one out into the palm of her hand.

No more than half an hour later, the doorbell rang. Stevie didn't need to worry about a stranger coming to see her in the middle of the night, she knew it was Lindsey. For a second she wondered if she should pretend to be asleep. The doorbell rang again and she sighed. 

"Happy with yourself?" Lindsey glared at her, when Stevie answered the door.

"You reek of alcohol." She scrunched up her face, taking in his disheveled appearance. "What are you doing here?"

"Cheri left." He said, struggling to stay upright. 

"She broke up with you?" Stevie asked, slightly surprised. 

"I don't know." Lindsey shrugged. "Just walked out."

"So? Now you want me to comfort you?" 

Taking a deep breath Lindsey could only shrug again. "I don't know, what I want."

Looking at him for a moment longer, Stevie sighed and allowed him to come inside. "I hope, you didn't drive here yourself."

"No." Lindsey shook his head. "Aren't you going to offer me a drink?"

"You've had enough." Stevie unwrapped his arm from around her shoulders and pushed him down on the couch, she remained standing in front of him. "What do you want from me, Lindsey?"

He didn't answer right away, sitting with his legs splayed wide, his arm along the back of the couch. "I can't do this anymore. I can't be involved in this mess with you, otherwise, I'll lose my mind."

"You can't put all the blame on me." Stevie shook her head. "You know, how to push my buttons as well as I do yours."

"That's true." His head bobbed up and down a couple of times.

"I'll get you some water." 

"No." Lindsey lunged forward to reach for her hand. "No. Don't go. I'm sorry, I was mean to you earlier."

"You're mean to me most of the time." Stevie replied, very aware of him lacing their fingers together. 

"You wanna know why?" Lindsey looked up. "Because you pay attention to me, when you're angry. Sure, we just yell at each other, but still, you yell at me."

"Why would you want my attention, when you've got a girlfriend?"

Lindsey smiled sadly, pulling her down to sit with him. "Because you're rig-right." A hiccup got in the way of him finishing his sentence. "Because I love you, but I can't love you. We don't make each other happy. Besides, you don't even want me an-anyway." Another hiccup. "We've caused each other so much pain, we've ruined each other. Our relationship is toxic." Stevie doubted he would have admitted his feelings so easily if he were sober. "I want you, but you don't want me. I make you angry to have you for a bit. But I don't want to spend the rest of my life angry."

Stevie held up her arms, when Lindsey decided to make himself comfortable, he lay his head on her lap. "Who says, I don't want you?"

"You don't, Steph. You don't." Lindsey sighed, closing his eyes. "You want your freedom, remember? You don't want to be tied down to a sad, difficult alcoholic."

Her eyes welled up with tears and she cocked her head back. She began combing through his hair slowly, calming the both of them.

"I wish, things were different, but I don't think there's a way back." Lindsey said, wrapping his arms around her middle. "I need to stay away from you, I need to be with Cheri. Otherwise, you'll be coming to visit me in a loony bin. Can patients have visitors there?"

"Shut up, Lindsey." Stevie scolded him, then looked down after a minute, when he didn't say anything back. 

She let him sleep.