Thaw (Jelsa Fanfic)

Lost

Tears of anger and hurt blurred Elsa's gaze as she rode for the castle at breakneck speed. She hated herself for letting Jack's feathered friend cause her to react in such a way...and even more, she hated herself for letting Jack get too close. Again. She'd allow herself the evening ahead to grieve the friendship she's once shared with him. Beyond that, Elsa made a solemn vow to herself to never think of the winter spirit again.

She wiped hastily at her eyes, blinking back the moisture that had collected there as she drew near to the castle. It wouldn't do to make a spectacle of herself and invite rumors amongst her people. She slowed her horse to a trot, fixing a falsely pleasant expression on her face as she nodded to the folks in the streets. She hoped none of them could see just how thinly she was frayed.

After handing the horse off to a stable hand, she made her way back to the castle. The night air that had smelled so sweet earlier was now cloying, and she could not wait to escape behind the closed door of her bedroom. When she was alone, she would let her powers go. She simply didn't have to strength to fight the snow anymore, and what did it matter of she created a mess of her own space?

Elsa was relieved that she managed to make it through the halls of the castle without much interference. Anna was nowhere in sight, and the servants were busy closing things down for the night ahead. She was grateful when she opened the door to her quarters...for it would finally be alright to let herself fall apart. She wouldn't need to be strong in the hours ahead. She could let herself feel everything, every ache and sorrow...and no one would be the wiser.

She shut the door and locked it behind her, resting her forehead on the heavy wood. How has she been so foolish? She'd begun to believe for a moment that perhaps Jack had cared for her. That he was sorry for leaving her without any explanation. The interruption by Tooth had shattered that illusion...he's clearly been enjoying his time away. He'd had someone, while Elsa had been left alone, carrying a flame that had no right to burn.

"Elsa..." A voice broke the silence. A voice she did not want to hear, ever again.

Elsa whirled in the direction of the sound. Jack was standing near the window, his icy gaze fixed intently on her. There was pain there, and it infuriated her. How dare he think he had any right to be hurt over anything? It had been she that had been caught in his snare from day one.

"Get out of here. Get out of here right now, and don't you ever return." Elsa hissed. She kept her hands behind her back, fearful of what they might do.

Jack looked as if she'd physically struck him. "Please listen to me, Elsa. Tooth was just concerned because I was supposed to be at the Pole..."

"I don't care where you were supposed to be or who you were supposed to be with. I was a fool for ever letting you talk me into seeing you again. How unfathomably stupid I was to believe that there was anything special about the friendship we shared!" Elsa was struggling to keep her voice under control, but in her fury, it kept raising.

"It was special, Elsa! It was the most important thing to me..." Jack began.

"Don't have the audacity to stand here and lie to me again, Jack. All that time I spent missing you...and now I see you had just grown bored. You'd found someone, and threw me to side. Some friend you were." She seethed, pushing herself away from the door as she glared at him from across the room.

He looked desperate, as man drowning might appear when he realized there was no safety raft to resume him. A small part of Elsa rejoiced in that. "I didn't find someone...it wasn't like that! I didn't leave because of Tooth! I was trying..."

"I'll not stand here and listen to your justifications." Elsa snarled.

"I clearly wasn't anything special to you, Jack. Just another stop along the way...I understood that a long time ago." She had accepted it, but giving voice to that fact still hurt in a raw, vulnerable way. Elsa frowned, the heat of her anger cooling against the sharpness of that ache. "But you were everything to me. You were my only friend, the only one I had to turn to. And you forgot me."

"No!"

The word was so explosive as it tore from his throat that is caused her to jump. Flakes of snow were swirling in gusts around him as he advanced on her, his blue eyes blazing. The wind was so staggering in the stagnant room that it gave even her a chill. Elsa held up her hands defensively, her palms beginning to tingle in warning that things were about to get out of control.

"Jack...stay back!" Her voice sounded foreign and harsh even to her. Sharp shards of ice spouted from the floor, creating a thin but jagged barrier between them.

Jack barely seemed to notice, his hands balled at his sides as he was forced to a stop. "Don't say that...don't ever say I forgot about you! Don't even think it! I never did...never. Please, Elsa...you don't know. You don't understand..." His voice sounded gravelly, desperation etched clearly on his features.

It was her turn to cry out in outrage. "No! No Jack, you don't know, because you weren't there!" A current of venom bit beneath her words...and in the moment, she didn't care. She wanted to tear into him, to wound him with the truths he'd never known. "Were you aware that my parents were lost at sea? Did you know that I couldn't even go to their memorial?" The mask of shock that befell him was morbidly satisfying. Elsa didn't stop, didn't dare lest she let the torture in those blue eyes change her mind. "Do you understand what it was like for me to listen to my sister grieve from across the hall, and not be able to open the door to comfort her? Or how it felt to be trapped in that room, all alone, every night...waiting by the window like a fool for a boy who didn't care?"

"Elsa..." His voice broke. The flurries around him had quieted into slow, mournful flakes. The moonlight filtered into the room just enough to reflect on the moisture that had collected in his gaze...a sight that had she been in control, would have stopped her cold and taken the fight right out of her. But she was too far gone, and they were far too fractured.

She delivered the final blow. "Of course you don't know these things. You had your fun. You had your guardians." A dry, humorless laugh escaped her. "And me? I wasn't even an afterthought."

His head was hung, his white gold hair draped across his brow. Though she couldn't see the effect of her words, she could hear it in the waver of his voice. "That's not true...you can't believe that's true..."

"I do. That's what I believe in, Jack. That's the truth I know. Not you. Not anymore." It was a lie-the biggest she had ever told. But for the moments it took for her to say the words, she thought she did believe them. And that was all it took.

His head snapped up, the heartbreak in his eyes haunting enough to draw a gasp from her lips. His hand rose, as if reaching for her...but it was too late. The color was seeming to drain from him, his form becoming transparent. Right there before her eyes, he had begun to fade. "Jack?" Elsa took a single step forward, her eyes widening. A word passed his lips, but she could not hear it...and then, just as suddenly as he'd appeared, he was gone. The gentle flakes he left in his wake drifted to the floor where they began to melt.

"Jack?" Her voice seemed to echo against the silent walls. It was no use. She was alone once more. "I'm sorry, Jack...I'm so sorry." She whispered to the silence.

A crystal tear trekked down her pale cheek as she turned away. She needed to get out of the room, to put some distance between herself and what had just occurred. She knew it was for the best-Jack no longer held a place in her life. But still she felt as if what remained of her heart was cracking right in two. She'd done the right thing...but she'd never expected it would make her feel so empty.