"how many times are you going to let yourself be used like this? how many times are you going to break your own heart because you believe in the good of other people even when they've wronged you so many times before? how many times are you going to keep yourself silenced because it's better to swallow those thoughts than hurt somebody else's heart? how many times are you going to let yourself wallow over things that have already happened and cannot be changed? how many times are you going to numb yourself until there is no longer any point in life but to search for new meanings and purposes you already know cannot be found? how many times are you going to sit yourself on that cold, cold floor and let yourself be trampled over and over and over and over? how many times? how many more times?"
"until it sinks in."
"..."
"until i can let this wave drown me without asking for help. until i can build myself a more stronger domain that not even giants can tear down. until my heart is made of silver solid. until i learn to not be afraid of fear. until i can appreciate what is lost and receive the love i know i somehow deserve. until i can mold myself into a new being that no one else has ever touched nor kissed nor made love to. until this body of mine is only mine, only mine, only mine. until i can forgive myself for all the pain i put myself through. until i can forgive myself for hurting hearts more beautiful and softer and tender and kinder than mine. until i can forgive betrayal. until these lines no longer keep secrets of what was. until my hands can grasp tight unto happy feelings without deep hatred. until my bones no longer allow dark hues within it. until energy is me, and, i am energy. until i have no anger towards God, the Universe, Love and Escape. until i accept that i can be good, i can be good even with all my evil. until i can accept that i too can have a kind heart, even with anger and resentment. until i can accept disappointment comes from my own expectations. until i can let the World go, go far away from me. until i can accept that i have regrets but it wont turn back time i have cheated off of. until i am far above the Heavens and remember i am my God's child and i am loved i am loved i am loved. until im no longer scared to write because my words wont hold any more poison. until i believe in logic just the same as i know reality can be a fairytale and fairytales can turn out to be the truth. until my soul can ascend higher and against all ego, all pride - i know i belong to me. until i internalize this idea that...
i am me, and i am loved, and i am worthy, and i am more, and i belong, and i forgive, and i accept, and i can be, and i am deserving.
i am deserving
i am deserving
i am deserving
of love and affection, of trust and communication, of kindness and patience, of understanding and empathy - of everything i have never hesitated to give, i am deserving of it more. "
- i am so much more
YOU ARE READING
for me,
Poetryfor the very life God has brought upon me, for the happiness, the grief, the resentment and the anger in me, for being human; for being love.
