for me,

I'm Tired

And darling, I don't want to live like this anymore.
I don't want to constantly wake up and see your eyes where they once were.
Because lately I don't feel anything anymore.
My heart tries to catch up upon my words
Tumbling, tumbling, tumbling
down into the drain.

It's been a little difficult, but I try my hardest.
I only have to remind myself that for all the darkness that holds me, I am my own light.
I don't love you anymore.
I don't find myself gazing into the night about what it feels like to be held by you.
I don't find myself dreaming about you when I hear those thunders and hard showers on my rooftop.
My rooftop.
This is no longer our home but a safe haven I have built up using my own two, callused hands.
I feel more in place now than I ever did once upon a time.
You can't have power over me any longer.
And even as I love you like you are all my tomorrows,
I love you even more when you are happy with the one.
There are no lies here, there can no longer be.
I don't know why it took me so long to see what is true.
I've gone up so high above you, I'm sailing and soaring and screaming into the void of what once was - and I healed myself.
I didn't need anyone, I especially never needed you.
But look how far we've grown.
I used to think that 10 years from now there can only be two endings;
(1) When you are gone, I will wilt away like all the roses that we have stuck into a time so frozen I can only smell a tinge scent of it.
or (2) You are here. You are here, you are here, you are here. And I am so happy to have you here.

But the Universe took you away and replace your love with mine.
You are so amazing but there is no greater love than mine.
I deserved so much better. It took me so long to finally said it outloud but goodness, when I did...in an instant
I knew myself.
It wasn't that you didn't love me well, we both loved each other unconditionally.
You are my first love, darling, you took all the love I had for you away and kept it in a sweet small safe back in your dark-lit bedroom, tuck away in a home that didn't deserve you.
That room was ours. That room was our light. That room was our abode. That room was our love. That room was our haven.
But there is so much more to us.
What our love have taught me is that I can love deeper and harder than anyone I know. I was so good to you, even up to this point when we have strung away.
I am still so good to you.
Because you deserve it.
You still feel like a forever sometimes.
But I realized lately that its all just memories.
Memories I can't even recall. Memories you can't even recall.
It's been so long, darling, what difference can we make?
Time have healed what is left of you and I.
It doesn't matter anymore what all of this means, what the connection can ever mean to us.
We know the truth, we know what defines us, don't we?
We were the greatest there were.
When we love, it always feels like we have all the love in the World for each other. We dig and dig deep down into our soul, our heart and our mind - we give up our body, our ego, our pride and in the end; we got us.
The imperfect, the raw, the real us.
I knew you like the back of my hand, I knew you more than I know myself.
There is no mistake here. We were and have always been the kind of love that everybody wanted to have.
Our ending was cold and bitter but we went out of that darkness with light, my dear lovely, we were amazing at love.
So no, I don't hate you. I can never.
I loved an angel and it was you.
You loved an angel and it was me.
That is all the truth we need.

From,
your first love.