for me,

our love cycle

i am writing this just as i've always been.
with love, yearning and melancholy.
once before i said goodbye to you, and it being on purpose.
i never regretted that decision because i learned contentment and felt relief.
our love is a cycle.
i can recite to you every word you'd say, every tears that will follow and every ending.
our love story isn't tragic, but it's also no longer beautiful.
it's become so real that your humanness starts to show.
i've always regarded you so highly, even though you think i don't.
you're not the type to listen but you are a listener.
you are a lover for all, but loyal to me.
you see, my love for you is earthly. it is grounded.
if every time God makes me feel your absence, it's no mistake that i'm taken back down to earth.
the highs i feel with you is not time-bound; it is immortal. and it goes on forever.
i was happy with you.
there was never anything wrong with you, or with us.
maybe it is a sickness of mine. an inspiration i seek from heartbreak. i write more when there is you to cry about.
and i'm not angry. i stopped being angry at you years ago when i learned to heal.
perhaps you are running from me because you're afraid.
did you think i was losing myself to you?
oh no..no, my love.
this has nothing to do with you.
as i've said, there was never anything wrong with you.
but i don't think i'll be waiting.
waiting for you to see me.
i know i haven't always been so kind, but i am kinder to you than i would anybody.
i know your heart is tender, but do you know mine is too?
i miss you, you know.
and i wish you'd call me & say the same thing too.
but that's one of your flaw; you are too stubborn.
too prideful.
everything else though? more than enough.
and i love you, i love you. i'm not afraid to say it either.
but it's great to hear it in your voice.
i know you'll be gone for awhile. searching within yourself the kind of love i give you. mix that up in your heart then you'll feel it. i promise you.
but i won't be waiting.
you never asked me to.
i would, if you did. if you be selfish for a second.
but what you think is right — it would be too much to ask.
like the love i asked from you. the reminders of your love i seek.
i only wanted to hear you say my name. that would have been enough.
but now we're running in circles, and i wanna go straight.
if you ask me though, i still love you.
my heart lies with you.
but you couldn't be certain of our future anymore, so why should it stay longer than it needs to be?
i'm also protecting myself.
but if you ask me, my heart wants to protect you too.
and i love you, i love you. you don't have to ask me twice, it'll slip out before your request.
and i miss you, i miss you. i always think about you.
i wonder if you still think about me too.