High school Sweethearts - Niragi

Chapter 9: Losing you seems like a nightmare to me

'I never thought I'd tell him
How scared I am of losing him' - Using you - Mars Argo

'Kisses on the foreheads of the lovers
Wrapped in your arms
You've been hiding them in
Hollowed out pianos left in the dark'                                                                                                                      - apocalypse - cigarettes after sex

(I recommend listening to the song listed above while reading it's so beautiful, and if you're a cigarettes after sex listener than I love you)

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It's been more than a week that Niragi's been absent without any sign. I've been going up to the rooftop on my own, and stopped by his classroom multiple times to see if he was there, but with no success. I'm honestly a bit worried about him. Maybe he's just sick and I'm just overreacting but the fact that I don't know what the reason is makes me feel so uneasy.

The bell rang, indicating class was over for the moment, which meant I had a small break. I get up from my desk and walk over to Niragis classroom to see if he was present today.

"Hey Aya-chan! Has Niragi been here today?", I asked one of his classmates.

-"Uh.. no I don't think so I haven't seen him today either", she responded like she's been doing for the past week, which was again not the response I had hoped.

"Oh okay thanks." Maybe I should just stop by his house after school to find out, I know where he lives now so who knows if he's sick he may appreciate me stopping by. I return back to my classroom and spent the day as normal.

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I packed my bags carefully and left the classroom to head towards Niragis place.

Maybe I should stop by the convenience store and get him the mochi that he always brings he'll love that

I made my way to the store and bought the supplies I needed and continued my journey to his house. I walked down the streets in the cold chilly weather as a cool breeze slowly passed me. It's almost fully wintertime, and I hate this season. After walking for a bit while my body was shivering like a drill I finally made it to his house and pressed the doorbell. Soon after the door opened and I was greeted by a friendly woman. Must be his mom.

"Oh hi! I'm uhm, Niragi's friend! And I noticed that he hasn't been at school recently so I thought I should render him a visit! Is he home?", I said friendly.

-"Oh his friend really? Ah well he's home yes, but he's not doing so well so I don't know if he really wants so see anyone at the moment", she replied

"Well we're actually pretty close so I think he wouldn't mind seeing me..", I responded a bit insecure.

-"Ah well I will just ask him again then come in sweetheart.", she suggested.

He's not doing so well? What could've happened? He was doing just fine last time we were on the rooftop.

I followed the lady inside and closed the door behind me.

-"He's only been in his room for the past week so we'll go upstairs". I nodded in response and followed her up the stairs to find his room.

-"Niragi! There's someone here for you! Is it okay if they come in?", she asked at the door after knocking. No answer. She opened the door and stuck her head inside. "Hey sweety, you have a visitor she'll come in now". It seemed like no one in the room as again no response was heard. She signaled for me to go in and went back downstairs. I opened the door further and stepped in, to see Niragi sitting on his bed, focused on a manga book.

"Niragi?", he turned his head slowly the moment he recognized my voice. "Hi", I said with a faint friendly smile.

-"Oh Y/N.. Why are you here?", he said hesitantly. He seemed to get a bit nervous again.

"Well to check up on you of course. Are you okay? You haven't been at school for a while?"

-"Oh well it's just,  I've just been a bit sick actually it's nothing serious". I could tell by the way he spoke and his body language that he was clearly not telling the truth. I put my bag on the floor, walked over to his bed and sat in front of him.

"Niragi, I can tell that you're lying, what's wrong? Tell me please", I said looking him right in the eyes. His eyes started to soften as he looked down, letting out a few tears, before starting to break down. "hey hey", I scooted closer to him and embraced him. "It's okay, it's okay", I comforted him as I stroked my hand over his head. Seeing him like this honestly breaks my heart. And even that I've never felt before. "Niragi what's wrong? What happened?", I tried to ask him again. He calmed down a bit to say something.

-"After school-.. They-They..", it was hard for him to get something out. "They tortured me again".

I felt the anger boiling up inside me. They hurt him again. They hurt my person again.

"What did they do to you?", I tried to ask calmly.

He hesitated for a bit. "Took me to some place and..". "Forced me to do things and, had to assault me physically as usual. Forced me to eat something and shot food cans at me as if it were some game".

"I'm so sorry Niragi, I should've-"

-"I just can't take it anymore Y/N", "I really don't want to do this anymore", he cut me off.                  "I really want to end things Y/N.. If it weren't for you I would've already done it", he let out immediately breaking down again. I felt my eyes filling up with tears and my eyesight turned blurry. It felt as if I was stabbed in the heart, as if someone ripped it out of my chest and violently ripped it apart. All these emotions, they were all new to me. This boy was capable of making me feel things I'd never expect to experience. I failed to protect him once again, he suffered once again because I couldn't be there for him one time. It's all my fault. I'm so selfish.

I took him closer to me again also sobbing. "Niragi.. please.. you don't have to hurt yourself more..". I cupped his face in my hands and looked him in the eyes. "Please.. live for me.. I don't want to lose you, I can't lose you..". My words seem to have hit him as he tried to calm down. "Just rest some more okay?" "Take all the time you need don't force yourself, I'll wait for you as long as it takes." I planted a soft kiss on his forehead. My words were sincere. I actually meant it this time. I don't want to lose him.

I love him.