It'll Be Alright

Close

My mom's been online dating ever since about a month after her breakup, She met this one guy and after 8 weeks he said he didn't want to be in a committed relationship so what did she do? move to the next guy, what a surprise. Now that shes doing this she leaves unexpectedly and im stuck home alone till 3 in the morning. I've told her multiple times that i would rather have her home and her come back is always that we would just be laying around anyways, but she doesn't see the point that we would actually spend time together. She's been leaving so much that i feel she's slipping through my fingers, i'm losing my best friend. Yesterday we were together then all of a sudden she said "bye im going to ___'s house" there's a blank because i don't even know what guy she's on, i just tune out. I waved her out and about 2 hours later i text her asking if she could pick up my cousin, she asked what time and i said 10 giving her 2 more hours with this guy. she said no because that was to soon for her to leave, I got upset not because she wouldn't get my cousin, but she was at this guys house that she just met past midnight, what did I do? I called the one person I know who would drop everything and not care to ask questions, my dad.

He picked me up and I cried the car way home telling him how i felt about her leaving and not coming home till god knows when. Today was a new day and I forgot about what happened until my mom text me asking if i was mad at her, no shit, i hit ignore and went on with my day.

Just a little while ago we were on our way to walmart and i was telling my dad about these spots on my stomach that my mom said i should keep an eye on, and i told him one was turning a dark brown, his response? "Did your doctors ever bring up diabetes?" Are you fucken kidding me! I stopped talking and faced the window and just cried, but you know that didn't stop him, "you know Zack? he was close to having it, maybe you are too, all this is preventable you know." I still faced the window crying silently.

You know people wonder why i snap or bitch a lot, it's because i have all this fucken anger in me, if i were to express it on my own time I would continue self harm, i have my temptations but i stop my self by just breaking down and crying, the last time i really broke down was when my dog got put to sleep, and that was your loud obnoxious gasping for air cry, now i feel like i do it every week. I'm getting closer to the edge and i don't know what to do, i'm obviously not going to jump, but i might stumble.