When it Stops Hurting (Royce)

17

Chresanto's P.O.V.

"I'm a slut".

"You're not a slut".

"Yes, I am".

"Elijah" I said, watching him as he paced around my room.

"I'm a fucking slut, Chresanto, oh my God" he said, his hands pulling at his short hair. "I shouldn't have let him do it, why'd I let him do it? I should've stopped him, I mean, I said stop... But then I said don't stop. I gave him my consent, I let him know that what he was doing was okay. I got a handjob in the bathroom, my mom wasn't even that far away, she was buying a wedding dress. What if someone had walked in on us?"

"No one did" I said.

"But what if they had? I'm so disgusting". He groaned, he sat beside me on my bed and I looked at him.

"Elijah, have you had sex before?" I asked. I didn't know if what he had done with Aaron was his first time going through with anything sexual. Was that why he was acting so freaked out? Was it his first time and he didn't want it to go the way it had?

"I'm not a virgin" he answered, shaking his head a little, "I've had sex before".

I rubbed the back of my neck, "then, um... What's so bad about getting a handjob in the bathroom?" I felt bad about what I said the minute a tiny whimper left the back of his throat. "I'm sorry" I apologized, "I didn't mean it in a rude way, your feelings are valid".

"It's not so much what I did, I've done worse. It's who I did it with, I let Aaron give me a handjob. I said I didn't like Aaron, I never wanted to talk to him again, but he kept blowing up my phone and then he appeared at the dress store.... He wanted to get with me, but I thought I was just sloppy seconds. I said I didn't like him, but I know I do. I don't deserve to be with a guy that started talking to me only after my best friend rejected him.... But Aaron gives me something that I've always wanted. He makes me feel like I'm important. He's so worried about me, and I don't know if it's just because he really wants to date me or not, but I like the feeling of being important, even if it's only for a little while".

I placed my arm around his shoulders, "it's okay, we all want to feel important, Elijah" I reassured. He rested his head on my right shoulder, sighing. "You're not the only one, I want to feel important to my parents and I'm pretty sure Jacob wishes the same thing with his own".

"Hey... Where has Jacob been?" He asked curiously, "I haven't heard from him".

I bit my lip, I figured I should tell him. Jacob was his best friend, and he cared for him deeply. I would think he would want to be informed on Jacob's current emotional and physical state. "He's, um... You know when a person goes through conversion therapy they go through a lot of changes...."

"Yeah, but the therapy doesn't actually work. A person can't switch between sexualities" Elijah said, he sat up, looking at me. He gave me a concerned look, "what did they do to my best friend, Chresanto?"

"I went to see him a day or two ago, his parents weren't home at the time. He let me in, and Elijah, he was so bruised. There weren't many on his arms, but I could just imagine how many were on his stomach and back. I asked him what happened but he wouldn't tell me, he didn't want me to be anywhere near him because he didn't want me to touch him. Eventually, he told me that Pastor Wayne tried to beat the gay out of him, I was furious, and I still am. His parents came home, and his dad yelled at him and slapped him, and I was kicked out of the house".

"He's getting abused?" He asked, his voice barely above a whisper. "I don't... I don't understand... Do his parents know?" He scoffed, "of course, they do. They're helping, they put him in the situation". I looked at him, he shook his head, frowning. "I hate them".