When it Stops Hurting (Royce)

alternate ending

Jacob's P.O.V.

"Jacob, sweetheart, I'm so sorry".

I could still remember the way Elijah's mother sounded when she called me. I remembered the way her voice wavered, weak, from crying so much. I remembered the way it took her three tries to say the words:

"Jacob, Elijah overdosed.... I-I thought h-he was just sleeping...."

"It's.... It's too late, isn't it?" I had asked, my eyes beginning to well up with tears. "He's gone".

"I'm so sorry".

"Jacob".

The sound of my name brought me out of my memory, I glanced up at the person that the voice belonged to. A weak smile came across my face as I recognized Mrs. Johnson. Her eyes were slightly puffy and red from crying so much, and her hands were clasped tightly together to keep them from shaking. I admired her appearance, the black dress fit her well and her makeup was lightly applied.

"It's nice to see you" I said softly, my throat was a bit sore. I'd been crying all day, for today was the day I would speak at my best friend's funeral. It took me nearly two hours to get dressed in the morning, my body just wanted to stay in bed and skip the day entirely, however my brain and heart knew that I couldn't. I had to do this, Elijah's my best friend.

"How've you been, honey?" I watched Mrs. Johnson sit beside me on the church pew. We were the only two currently in the chapel, everyone else who was attending the funeral were still greeting one another outside. I came in just to get away, it was great seeing all of Elijah's family and his parents' friends.... But this wasn't some big family gathering, we were here because Elijah was dead.

"This is the first time I've left the apartment since... Since you told me" I admitted, "I couldn't get out of bed, no matter how hard I tried... Everything just reminds me of him". I blinked back my tears, sighing. "How've you been? I know it's a lot harder for you".

"I'm a bad mother" she whispered, pulling a tissue from the small purse she had with her. "I knew he was still depressed..."

"You can't say you're a bad mother" I stated, "not when you tried so hard to make him happy when you found out he was still sad. You were there for him, you paid for new medicine and for therapy. You're not a bad mother, you never were.... Elijah hid his depression so well" I said, my voice cracking as I fought back the urge to cry. "He was so good at hiding it.... That's not your fault".

Mrs. Johnson hugged me, her arms pulling me into her as I broke down, sobbing loudly as my body shook. "I miss him so much" I cried, "I said I w-would never let h-him leave, he needed me and I wasn't there for him. I let him go, I'm so sorry".

"You are most definitely not to blame".

I sniffed, taking a tissue that she'd pulled from her purse, I wiped at my eyes. "I feel so guilty" I whispered, "I don't think the feeling will ever go away".

Mrs. Johnson and I sat in the chapel for a while, before I told her I needed fresh air. I felt like I was in daze as I walked past people, I knew I probably looked a mess from crying so much, but that was the least of my worries. It felt nice to step outside and let the gentle Spring breeze calm just a bit of my nerves.

My back pressed against the brick wall of the church as I closed my eyes. I just stood there and breathed. "Jacob".

My eyes opened and landed on Chresanto, he was dressed in a black suit, just like myself. He looked tired, his eyes not seeming to have their usual glow. It'd been a while since I'd seen him, neither of us knowing what to say or do. We weren't together anymore, and that was all because of me. We see one another around school, but the communication was long gone.