When it Stops Hurting (Royce)

25

Elijah's P.O.V.

"Now, you have to name it after someone you love" Jacob explained. I stared at the butterfly he had drawn on my wrist. "The nurse at the hospital told me that it helps with preventing self harm. She said whenever I go to cut, I'll see the butterfly, and since I named it after someone I love, I won't want to harm the butterfly". I nodded a little, "I get it". "Mhm, so who are you going to name it after?" "You".

He smiled a little, "okay". "Yeah, I really appreciate you always coming over when I need you. I feel as if I haven't been a very good friend to you because I'm unable to do half the things you do for myself. I feel bad that you tried killing yourself, I didn't know you were feeling that way". "You didn't know because I didn't tell you" he said, he looked at me, "don't feel bad about it, it's not your fault".

"But... But you always help me". "And you help me, Elijah. You're very concerned about what happens in conversion therapy, and you always reassure me that you, Chres, and Rayan, are working to get me out of it. You always lighten up the mood when it's needed, and I'm thankful for that, I'm also thankful that you're my best friend". He kissed my forehead, "thank you".

I smiled a bit, "you're welcome". I looked at Jacob, wondering how I was lucky enough to have him as my best friend. I guess giving him a bloody nose in our freshman year of high school wasn't a mistake. "What? Why're you looking at me like that?" He asked curiously. "No reason".

I smiled a bit, my smile disappearing as my mind went back to Aaron. "Seriously, EJ, what's bothering you?"

I bit my lip, "Jacob, you remember the day I skipped class with Aaron, and he took me to the park?"

"Yeah, why?"

"You also remember a few days later I told you and you asked me if he had touched me?"

Jacob looked at me, "yes... Why?"

"I... He did... Aaron touched me, he gave me another handjob and this time I told him to stop, but he didn't".

Jacob stared at me, his jaw clenched as he narrowed his eyes. "I'm going to kill him" he stated, standing to his feet. "Where the hell does he live? Because I swear I am going to hurt him so bad".

I reached out and grabbed Jacob's hand, keeping him from going anywhere. "It's okay, it's not a big deal".

"Elijah, baby, he touched you" Jacob murmured, his demeanor changing. He sat back down, "he... He raped you".

"Yeah, I guess he did..." I whispered, I gave off a sad smile. "That's just what I need right? To live with being raped while I'm already feeling this sad inside. My life is great".

"Elijah" Jacob said sadly, "I'm so sorry".

I shook my head, "it's not your fault".

It was quiet for a while, Jacob and I just sat on my bed, waiting for my mom and Steven to get home. I was going to tell them both that I was still depressed, I was nervous on how it was going to go, because I didn't want to ruin anything for my mom and I didn't want them to think that I was just doing all of this for attention. I bit my lip, beginning to change my mind. "What's the matter?"

"I changed my mind" I said, "I don't want to tell my mom and Steven. It'll ruin everything".

"Elijah, please, think about yourself".

"I can't, I always try, but then it always ends back to my mom and Steven". He sighed, not saying another word. "I can't do it, please, don't make me do it". His fingers found my hair, "I'm not going to make you do anything that you don't want to do" he reassured, "I just want you to be happy, I want to take the sadness away".