When it Stops Hurting (Royce)

epilogue

(A/N: look out for an alternate ending in about a week. I hope you all enjoy the epilogue).

Chresanto walked into the small cafe, his eyes immediately spotting Jacob behind the counter. He wondered if he should walk up to his former boyfriend, or if he should just find a place to sit. He went with the latter due to the fact that he was too nervous to carry on with the first option. Chresanto sat at a table closest to the door, just in case he needed to quickly leave. He had come to Mi Amour for a reason, for he had not stepped foot in the cafe in months. He had come to see Jacob. Chresanto had not seen or spoken to Jacob in over two months, the two both steering clear of one another by any means possible.

Chresanto watched Jacob, a weak smile managing to spread across his face as he noticed the way he fiddled with the money of customers. Chresanto's attention was drawn to the door when the bell rang, he breathed in at the sight of Elijah walking in, just like Jacob, he had not seen Elijah in months.

Elijah's eyes noticed Chresanto the second he walked through the door, he hid his bracelet covered wrists behind his back, not wanting Chresanto to know what he'd done to himself. Elijah wanted to turn around and leave, he hadn't expected Chresanto to be there, but he came for a reason. He needed to see Jacob. He wasn't going to talk to him, he just needed the satisfaction of ducking into the cafe to sneak a quick glimpse of his former friend. He managed to give Chresanto a tiny smile, "babe". Elijah glanced behind him, looking at Rayan.

"We can go now" Elijah informed, "I just wanted to see him".

Rayan pursed his lips at the thought of leaving, he couldn't just leave without letting Jacob know they were there. He glanced at his brother, Chresanto shook his head a little. "Ray" Elijah spoke, furrowing his eyebrows as he watched him walk up to the counter.

Jacob finally looked up from the counter, his eyes widened at the sight of the three boys. "What's... Um... What's happening?"

"Nothing" Rayan answered casually, "we just wanted to see you. You seemed to just drop off the face of the earth, as did everyone else. When is your break?"

"In ten minutes".

"We'll wait".

Jacob stepped from behind the counter once the ten minutes came and went, he took a seat at the table that the three boys decided to occupy. He looked at Chresanto, smiling softly, he wondered how he was doing, he took a glimpse at Elijah, his smile fading at the sight of the bracelets.

"Elijah" he whispered, "no".

"I'm three days clean" Elijah stated, "I'm trying. I'm still going to therapy, and Steven is still with my mom, she's doing fine. I'm not happy, but I'm slowly getting there". He bit his lip, his eyes scanning the three people sitting around him, "I'm still sad, but everyone's a little sad".

"My, um, my dad went to rehab for a while, he's an alcoholic. He thought it would be a great idea to continuously get drunk and hope that by the time he sobers up, his family would be some perfect picture, it never works. I have this little thing that I do, I ask myself every day how I feel about myself, because you know, my self esteem is really low. I rate my self esteem based off of a number every day, it helps" Chresanto spoke, feeling as if he had some type of weight off of his shoulders.

"What's your number today?" Jacob asked.

"Six".

"Out of?"

"Ten".

"Oh".

"I've taken time for myself" Rayan murmured, "ever since my dad went to rehab, I do things that I want to do. I'm not feeling so stressed anymore, I have time to relax, which I haven't gotten a chance to do in a really long time... I'm not perfect, and I'm okay with that".

Jacob smiled, "that's good".

"What about you?" Elijah asked, "what's been going on with you?"

"I've been okay, I haven't spoken to my parents since I've moved out, I don't go by the house, and I don't go by the church. I haven't heard from Pastor Wayne, or that Isabella girl. I feel free ever since I've moved in with Jaden. I feel like things are beginning to turn around".

Chresanto nervously fiddled with his thumbs underneath the table, he had something really important to say to Jacob. He opened his mouth and spoke, his voice a nervous mess, "I don't know why you broke up with me, but I'm sorry".

"I needed time" Jacob said, once he noticed Chresanto's furrowed eyes, he continued. "I needed time to worry about myself, I'm sorry if that sounds selfish, but I couldn't help you if I didn't have myself together first. I was starting to think that my sexuality was wrong, and that terrified me, Chresanto. I didn't want to believe it, but with my dad and Pastor Wayne telling me every day that it was, I was beginning to.

"I broke up with you because you were keeping me from figuring things out, I wasn't planning for us to lose contact with one another, but then it happened, and I thought, okay, well maybe you've moved on. I still love you, I never stopped, I needed to take a step back and think things over. I'm sorry".

It was silent, all four boys thinking about what the others had said. No one had the guts to speak up, they sat in silence for the rest of Jacob's break until it was time for him to get back to work. "I have to go" Jacob stated, "I'm sorry". He stood up, watching as everyone else did the same. The three boys began to walk to the door, getting ready to go their separate ways, this did not sit well with Elijah.

"I can't go my own way" he said, looking at Jacob, Rayan, and Chresanto. "I can't pretend like we weren't friends. I need to know that we're okay, I need to know that when I need help, I can come to one of you, and vice versa. I can't just lose contact with you guys".

"Elijah..." Chresanto murmured, "it's just... It's not the same..."

"I know that... I know things have changed because of all the stupid shit that's happened, I know, okay? But that doesn't mean we just meet up at a coffee shop, vent our feelings and social statuses, and leave when one of us has to get back to work. I'm not going to pretend like this is okay".

"Elijah, I don't know what you want any of us to say" Rayan said, wishing he could help him. He desperately wanted to help the boy, but he just didn't know how. What was he to say and do?

"I... I want you guys to say that I'm not pathetic for thinking things can change, I want to hear someone tell me that I'm not the only fucking one who misses everybody. You guys have given up over the past few months, and yeah, everyone's working to build themselves back up, but we're all struggling. We can't do this on our own".

"It still hurts" Jacob said quietly, his fingers running through his afro as he stared at his former friend. Jacob could see the pain and disappointment in Elijah's eyes, he wanted to tell him that everything was going to be okay, but if he did, he knew he would be telling a lie.

"It still hurts" Elijah whispered, "for all of us. I want someone to tell me when it stops hurting".