When it Stops Hurting (Royce)

11

Jacob's P.O.V.

I watched quietly as Pastor Wayne walked into his office, I rolled my eyes at the look he gave me. "Trust me, this isn't where I want to be, either" I murmured, I picked at my nail polish. "How's your anti-gay group coming along?" I asked, glancing at him as he took a seat behind his desk.

"Fine".

"That's good, I was thinking that maybe you could have them do more stuff wi-" "Jacob this session is about you, no one else". "It's not polite to interrupt, pastor".

He looked at me, "let's not to do this today. Have you finally come to the decision of fixing yourself?"

"Um, no?" I replied, "have you?"

"I am not the one that's going against God, Jacob. I have nothing to fix".

"Well, um... It's only two of us in here, so if it's not me, and it's not you, then who the hell is it?"

"I will not play this game with you" he said sternly, "you will not waste my time".

"No one told you to try and 'fix' me. I'm not asking for any of this bullshit!" I exclaimed, "you and my parents have your heads so far up God's ass that you don't realize I'm not going to change. I'm not going to give you the satisfaction of knowing that you broke me down into something that I'm not". I folded my arms across my chest, "you should just find someone else to waste your time on".

"I've had people say the same thing, you're no different!"

I scoffed, rolling my eyes. I was not about to do this, I was not about to stand here and yell at some man about my sexuality. "Fuck you". The abrupt slap to the face caught me off guard, I placed my hand on my cheek. "Did you just hit me?" Wincing at the pain I felt when I brushed my fingers against my skin.

"Sit down" Pastor Wayne demanded. I looked at him as if he was crazy, "no! You just hit me!" I exclaimed. 

"Jacob, sit down!" He slammed his hand down on his desk, he gave me an enraged look. If looks could kill, I surely would've been dead. I found myself slowly sitting down, I had never seen Pastor Wayne this mad before, and for what? Was he really mad because I wasn't going to let him do what my parents wanted? "You are so complicated" he muttered, he opened a drawer of his and began to rummage through it. Seconds later, he placed a wooden crucifix on the surface of the desk, I looked at it.

"I didn't want to do this" he said lowly, "but you aren't letting me help you, so if you aren't going to let me help you change your sexuality, I'm going to have to force it on you".

"Excuse me?" I asked, dropping my hands to my lap, "you're going to what?"

"Conversion therapy" he answered, looking at me.

"I don't.... I don't understand...."

He sighed, the stress very clear on his features, "you will. Stand up". "Bu-" "Jacob, stand up or so help me I will do something far worse than what I plan to do". I stood, he walked from behind his desk and pulled the chair I was once sitting in, to the corner of the room. "Get on your knees". 

Okay, so I might have a dirty mind, the first thing I thought he was going to make me do was something totally different from what he really had in mind. "What you're going to do first is pray" he instructed as I got down on my knees. This was my first time ever hearing about conversion therapy, I had no clue as to what he was truly going to make me do.

"Pastor Wayne, I really don't think this is going to help me" I murmured, "I don't want to do this".

"Pray to the God that you have disowned, Jacob".