When it Stops Hurting (Royce)

19

Jacob's P.O.V.

School is a safe haven for me. It's been a safe haven ever since the conversion therapy sessions began. When I was at school, I was free of my parents and I was free of Pastor Wayne. My stress levels have been very high lately, I hadn't received a good nights sleep in days, I've lost my appetite, I can't stay focused for very long. The treatment I'm getting from my mom and dad, not to mention Pastor Wayne; it's causing me to slowly freak out, how long am I going to have to endure this? I can't take all of this constant abuse. I'm getting mistreated at home, I'm always getting yelled at and hit for the smallest of things. I'm being forced to begin electroshock therapy, as well. I keep telling myself there's nothing wrong with me, to just wait it out until I find my own place, but I don't think I can.

"Jacob". I managed to give Elijah a weak smile when I realized he was standing in front of me. I noticed the worried look in his eyes, he bit his lip. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine" I murmured, he fought to keep his hands from touching me, over the past days I've requested for both him and Chresanto to limit their physical contact with me. It gave me a lot of anxiety when I was being touched, due to the fact that Pastor Wayne and my parents were becoming quite abusive. "Will you walk to class with me?"

He nodded quickly, "of course". We walked down the hall together, "how are you and Aaron?" I asked lightly, I was curious as to what was going on with him. They seemed to be hitting it off, I wish Chresanto and I could really do that.

"I, um, we're good" he answered, I noticed the change in his demeanor, his voice becoming quiet, yet nervous. "We haven't really claimed each other".

"What's wrong?"

He shook his head. "Nothing" he answered, "I was with Aaron a few days ago... You know, at the park..."

"What'd you guys do?"

"Talked" he whispered, then smiled, "we just talked".

I managed to smile a little, despite feeling completely exhausted. "So you guys aren't dating, but you kind of are?"

"Yeah, kind of. It's complicated". Elijah and I walked into biology to find Chresanto standing in the front of the class with Mr. Marks.

"I have to be in this class, my name was on the roster last class" Chresanto stated. I walked up to him, he looked at me. "What's the matter?" I asked, I hesitantly took a hold of his hand, lacing our fingers together. "I'm not in this class anymore".

I furrowed my eyebrows, "you switched out?"

"No. I didn't do anything, I should still be in the class".

Mr. Marks sighed, "I don't know, Chresanto. I don't have you this period anymore. Same goes for you, Jacob".

"But I didn't switch out" I said, frowning. I watched as he wrote Chresanto and I a pass.

"Go to see Ms. Greene, she'll know what happened".

I sighed, allowing Chresanto to pull me to our counselor. She was the guidance counselor, but was also the one in charge of schedule changes for our grade. I wasn't up for talking, so I just walked behind Chresanto. He looked back at me and I forced a smile. I was tired, both physically and mentally. The lack of sleep was really beginning to get to me. I felt him wrap his arm around me, my body stiffened and I stopped walking. I pulled away from him, I could see the hurt in his eyes. I felt guilty, I wanted him to hold me, but with what's happening at home and church, I don't like being touched. I sent him a look, silently pleading for him to understand the situation I'm in. He nodded a little, sending me a reassuring smile.