Funny jokes #18

391 0 0
                                    


Dude1: You were so drunk last night Bro!

Dude2: No I wasnt.

Dude1: You were. You threw my my hampster across the room and yelled "GO PIKACHU!"

Dude2:....So.

_________________________________________________________________

Dad: I hate driving you to collage in the morning, Its so far away!

Son: Im sorry dad but it really is only 30 miles away.

Dad: You should have taken my advice and gone to Hogwarts for a year. Then you could ride your broom stick home from school everyday.

Son: What?!

Dad: Filthy mudblood.

Son DAD!!!

_________________________________________________________________

Son: I totally failed my health and safety course today...

Mom: And how did you manage that?

Son: Well, one of the questions was 'In the event of a fire,What steps would you take?'

Mom: And?

Son: "Very Large ones" was apparently the wrong answer.

_________________________________________________________________

GIRL: I like you, Do you like me?

BOY: No.

GIRL: :(

BOY: You never asked if I loved you.

GIRL: AWWWW Do you love me?

BOY: No.

_________________________________________________________________

Friend: Why arent you answering?

Jon: Sorry, I dropped my phone and I cant find it. I'll text you when i find it.

Friend: Okay.

Friend: You find it yet?

Jon: No.

Friend: Okay, let me know when you do.

_________________________________________________________________

Mom: Hows my pregnant little daughter?

Daughter: Mom. How did you know?

Mom: I mean perfect.

Mom: Wait WHAT!!!!

_________________________________________________________________

Mom: Everything okay? Havent heard anything in a few days.

Matt: Yup. Sorry mum. I just came out of the closet.

Mom: Oh Matty. This is great!

Mom: Ive always had a hunch!

Mom: I love you no matter what. So does your father.

Matt: Holy Shiite Im not gay Mum.

Matt: I meant coming out of the clinic now. Auto Correct.

Mom: Oh I see.

Matt: The real issue is, You think im gay???

_________________________________________________________________

Boy: Aww i miss you too.

Girl: Dont think im weird but i am sleeping with that shit you left in the bathroom :)

Boy: WHAT??

Girl: Yeah it smells like you and it makes me feel better when your not here.

Boy: If your trying to be cute or funny its not working.

Girl: Ohhhhhhhhhhhh Myyyy Goddddddddddd!!!!

Girl: *SHIRT

Girl: Im gonna kill myself right now.

_________________________________________________________________

AN

Quick chapter for yous!!

Please leave a comment on what you want me to post up next!

Love you guys! Xx

p.s i would of updated earlier but wattpad was being a B*tch and wasnt letting me update so you know....

Niallersbaby18

Quotes and JokesWhere stories live. Discover now