Remorse- Yaman realises all his sins.

Chapter 4

"We don't always understand what happens to us or why, but if we could see through the lens of eternity, we'd weep with joy."

-Victoria Bylin

It had been a long and tiring day for Seher. She felt completely drained, both physically and emotionally. Her heart had splintered into pieces when she had left that mansion behind.

On the one hand she was aching for Yusuf, heartbroken for not being able to hold her dear child close to her heart, the one sole reason for her existence and the light of her life; on the other hand, she was feeling sorry for herself and all the foolish dreams she had once harboured. Yaman had deceived her into imagining a happily-ever after with him and Yusuf. In reality, he had never meant her to be part of his family. It had all been just a dirty game for him. She lamented for everything she had lost. All that their crumbling relationship had reduced to now was just a namesake marriage on paper.

She reminded herself to be strong. She could face any betrayal, hostility and contempt from Yaman as long as Yusuf was safe and cared for. She knew she had to collect the scattered pieces of her self confidence and get back up and fight afresh. For Yusuf's sake, she HAD TO BECOME STRONG AGAIN !

Zeynep had taken Seher to her apartment and left once she had shown her around the place and familiarised her with everything.

It was a cosy and warm place, albeit a compact one. It was something akin to a sanctuary; a place that did not feel like prison, for a change. Though her mind whispered that it was lonely too, without her family, but she ignored the censure. Her friend had been very kind to let her use this place for the time being. She had also kept food stocked for her for a few days. Seher had been very embarrassed when Zeynep had handed her some money and said, "Don't worry Seher, just treat this as a loan. Return it to me whenever you can. But please don't say no to it right now."

Seher felt deeply indebted and thankful to her friend and promised herself to pay back the amount as soon as she could. She also felt homeless and helpless, given the fact that she could not even pay for her food and rent presently.

After her friend left, Seher opened her small bag and arranged whatever little belongings she had, in the cupboard in her bedroom. She also carefully laid out the framed pictures of her parents, her sister and Yusuf on the bedstand. She then cleaned the house, the kitchen and the small garden at the front too. It was more a distraction and to keep herself from losing sanity than for any real want of cleanliness or removal of actual clutter.

It was almost midnight by the time she got free from the chores and finally decided to take a bath. Every single nerve in her body screamed for respite and she was exhausted by the time she came out of her shower. She didn't even have the energy to fix dinner for herself. She got into her old bath robe, dried her hair and sat on the bed, thinking of Yusuf and how much he must be missing her.

Her phone was charged by now and she had a strong urge to call Cenger Abi's number and talk to Yusuf, but she was petrified. What if Yaman was somewhere nearby and heard Cenger talking to her and tracked her down. She decided to call Cenger Abi tomorrow morning, after texting him and requesting him to call when Yaman was not around.

She lifted Yusuf's picture from the bedstand and kissed it, as if willing by sheer determination to conjure up her baby. Holding the photograph close to her heart, she said a silent prayer of apology and ultimately cried herself to sleep.
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Yaman drove all night without stopping even once. He reached Izmir early morning and as soon as he entered the city, he checked the address Nedim had sent him (for the fourth time), just to make sure he did not miss the location. When he was sure that he was on the right path, he drove through a small and homely residential area, the GPS indicating that he was almost there. The address showed the destination as the house in front of him, a white colored cottage. His first thought was that the place suited her, quiet and graceful.

He got down from his car and went up the steps of the house. He was very scared and apprehensive. He knew Seher would not want to even see his face let alone listen to him. He begged the almighty for strength to face her animosity. Lord knew, it was well deserved. He was ready to do anything to right all wrongs and injustices he had done against her.

He cleared his throat, heaved a deep sigh to compose himself and then pressed the door bell. When some time elapsed yet there was no response, he pressed the door bell once more. He was waiting with bated breath and his heart was pounding hard. He didn't know how he would respond to Seher's anger , sorrow and poignancy. For all his toughness, he always became disarmed and helpless against her tears.

Seher heard someone ringing the bell on the main door. Groggily, she got up and half asleep, walked to the door and opened it, wondering why Zeynep had come so early in the morning.

As soon as she opened the door , it was as if all her sleep evaporated in an instant. Blood drained from her face and she felt her knees buckle under her. The last conscious thought she had before she fainted was that she was naked under the bathrobe !

To be continued