Remorse- Yaman realises all his sins.

Chapter 17

"Absence is to love what wind is to fire; it extinguishes the small, it inflames the great."

-Roger de Bussy-Rabutin

Next morning, Seher woke up at ten, having slept late the previous night, after baking cookies for Yusuf. She woke up to an empty bedroom. It seemed Yaman had woken up early, made his couch and left for work.

Her reverie was broken when suddenly she heard sounds in the workroom and realized it was him, talking on the phone. So, he was here!

She decided, it had to be said today. She could not keep herself and her relationship with Yaman on the line anymore. For the sake of their love, sanity and peace of mind, she had to take some time off, only to come back stronger. She needed time to heal her wounds in silence. His nearness played havoc with her senses and she felt she could not think, whenever he was near her.

Once she had taken bath and got ready, she mustered courage and asked the Almighty to give her strength to not only say what she wanted to say, but also to not hurt Yaman, who was a part of her ! Try as she might, she could not erase his presence, love, smell and touch from her soul ! She practised her lines in her mind nervously. Finally, she took a long sigh, opened the door and went to him.

Seeing her, Yaman got up from his chair, smiled at her whole heartedly and said, “Good morning. I hope you slept well."

Seher replied, "Good morning to you too." She was really nervous and didn't want to hurt him. Seeing her twitch her hands, he asked, " What is the matter, Seher? "

Seher said, "I want to talk to you. If you are free now, please?"

He replied, "Of course I am.Tell me what is troubling you!" She was clasping and unclasping her hands nervously. Looking at her hands, Yaman gently said, “ Please sit down, Seher. And remember, you can tell me anything.”

She looked at the sofa and complied. Yaman came to sit down beside her. He was sitting near her in a way that his legs touched hers and she could feel sparks of electricity in all the places where his legs brushed hers. His proximity made her all the more nervous.

She turned to look at him and with a sigh, began," I don't want our relationship to suffer anymore. I want to heal my wounds. I want to heal- for you, for Yusuf, for myself, and for this marriage. I don't want any distance between us. There should be no secrets between life partners. And for that, I want to first take some time alone.I-I also want.." and then she stopped.

Seeing her pause, Yaman looked at her and asked, “Evet Seher,what do you want?”

Seher’s hands flew to her forehead, as if she envisioned that she could wipe not only perspiration but also her nervousness with the gesture. She was going to do what she had never done before- LAYING HER SOUL NAKED, TO HER HUSBAND !!

She continued, “ I-I want to lay my heart bare to you. Please bear with me. This may take some time but I want to reveal what is in my heart. I don't want any more lack of communication to ruin this relationship. I really want to walk this path of life, with you. Before my courage fails me, I want to tell you some things.”

Yaman felt a lump in his throat. His brave and beautiful wife was opening her soul, to him!
He didn't know what he had done to deserve her! But he sure as hell was not going to let her go and would make sure that their marriage was for keeps.

He kept staring into her eyes, as if mesmerized by them. After a while, he realised that she was awaiting his reply and he said, "Take all the time in the world Seher. I am listening to you."

Saying this, he pressed her clasped hands briefly, as if to give her strength and encouragement.

Seher began, “ As I had mentioned yesterday, I want to move to my old room. I want to take some time alone for myself just to sort out my scattered thoughts. I really appreciate and cherish your apology and I am very humbled by it. I know it was very difficult for you. I know your past has scarred you. Don't for a moment feel that I dont value your apology. It has moved me beyond words.
But I need time to gather myself. After so many days spent in the dark and without knowing what I was being punished for, I need some time to recuperate and adjust to this new reality."