Remorse- Yaman realises all his sins.

Chapter 8

"There was nowhere I could go that wouldn't be you."

-Jeffrey Eugenides, Middlesex

Yaman didn't go to his hotel room and kept sitting in the car the entire night. He was highly strung and fraught with anxiety the whole time. He had a strong intuition that when the investigation results of the file would be out in the morning, even the earth would not be big enough for him to run and hide his sorry face.

it was 8 AM and Yaman had been pacing up and down near his car since almost an hour now. Finally, when he could not control himself, he flicked open his phone. Before he could himself dial, his phone buzzed. It was Nedim and he instantaneously answered it without wasting a moment. "Evet Nedim, what news?" , he asked.
Nedim answered, " Yaman, I have good news ! I was about to call you but I wanted to be doubly sure before sending you the proofs and documents. I am just mailing you the reports. It seems everything was engineered and manipulated. Like you asked, I am mailing you the CCTV footage from the jewellery shop, the complete undoctored and original audio clip and also the handwriting expert's report. As for the photographs, it seems that they too are clicked with the intent to implicate Seher and there was a third person present to do the needful. "

Yaman opened his phone and saw and heard each and every proof one by one and his heart skipped a beat. By the time he was done, he had such a strong repulsion towards himself that he felt he wouldn't be able to look at himself in the mirror ever again.

He was in panic and denial and sat down on the steps of Seher's apartment.He realised he had to confess every single thing to Seher and would be punished for each and every atrocity he made her go through.

He also knew he may lose her forever after she gets to know the reason for his despicable behaviour of late. But there was no turning back now. He had to do what he could, to right all his wrongs. There could not be anymore misunderstandings between them. He had to come clean and atone for his sins even at the cost of losing Seher.

If she wanted to be rid of him and be unfettered from this cage of a marriage after she heard him out, he would not blame her. Wherever she would be, he would want her to be happy and contented and would try his best to take care of her from afar. He also knew at that moment that he would lose Yusuf too. But it was his own sins catching up to him. If he was honest to himself, he was not an ideal example for the little kid. Yusuf deserved to look upto someone who was principled and trustworthy, who respected women and someone who didn't hurt his loved ones like he had done.

With a heavy heart, he looked at his watch. It was 8:30 AM already. Seher would be awake by now.

Seher looked out of the window and saw Yaman sitting on her steps. She was scared and didn't want to face him. She didn't want to see his downcast eyes - they made her weak. He had made her suffer enough hell. She had to be strong and keep a distance for her own sanity and to be able to take care of Yusuf in future.

She had resolved to never open her heart again to him. But at this moment, sitting on the steps like a man who had lost everything, he looked very forlorn, melancholic and lonely.

Suddenly he got up and turned to ring her door bell. And then, their eyes met. She felt a shiver pass through her.
Yaman still had a hold on her mind and body. Her heart stopped beating for a moment when he stared at her and then gave a tentatively sorrowful smile.

She immediately moved away from the window. He rang the doorbell and since he had already seen her, there was no escape and scope for pretence. She came near the door and said, " What do you want?"
He replied, "Seher, open the door please. I have something important to tell you. I promise you after this I will not trouble you anymore. "

Seher gradually opened the door and looked up at him. He looked at her beautiful face and once more tamped down his urge to hold her face in his hands and kiss her beautiful and delicate countenance and remove all frown and sorrows from her forehead. Being near her had become exquisite torture for him. He would constantly dream of going to sleep with Seher wrapped deep in his arms.

He wanted to hug her and promise to surrender to her completely and totally. He wanted to show her how true love actually looked like; he wanted to take care of her and love her day and night. But he did none of those things.

He knew he had forefeited that right the day he raised his voice on her and doubted her integrity. Now he could only wish for her forgiveness, even if he had to crawl and beg on his knees for it.

He said, " May I come inside?" Seher tentatively moved aside. He came inside and closed the door. Seeing the alarm in her eyes he said, " I will just talk and leave."

He then told her each and everything without omitting any details. He told her why he had behaved the way he did;  when had he got the file on the day of their honeymoon and how it had messed with his mind and played on his already existing prejudices against women. He also showed her the file and the proofs that it was all fake and told her that he had got it all investigated.

After unburdening everything, he came near her and all of a sudden, got down on his knees in front of her and said, " I know I don't deserve to even breathe the same air you breathe, but I wish you can find it in your heart someday to forgive me. I know what I have done cannot be pardoned. I will do anything you say to repent. If you want I will give you divorce too and keep you away from my accursed presence. I know I don't deserve you. I only beg you to let me see yourself and Yusuf, once in a while. I know you will be a much better influence on him than I could ever be , with all my bitterness, rancour and unremedied scars."

Hearing all this, Seher felt as if the world was turning upside down and she couldn't stand anymore. The man whom she vowed herself to, mind, body and soul, HAD NO TRUST IN HER ! Tears started flowing without her own accord and she was hiccuping. She sat down on the ground and screamed her heart out.

Yaman could not see Seher like this and came near her and sat down on the ground next to her. She looked into his eyes and said, "You didn't believe in me? Why didn't you ask me? Instead of believing others and these fake documents and files, why didn't you just confront me. You thought I would betray you?? You thought after promising to spend my life with you and giving you my heart and soul, I would cheat on you like this? You punished me so severely without even hearing my side of the story?? You never knew me, Yaman. Not then, not now. You never understood me."

Saying this she sobbed and sobbed her heart out. Yaman wanted to comfort and hold her. He kept looking at Seher's crying figure and each tear of hers was like a knife being twisted in his heart. This was his purgatory, created with his own hands; where he would be punished through every single tear that Seher shed.

To be continued.

Note:- Happier times will be ahead for our couple!! Just some serious grovelling required from Yaman to atone for his despicable behaviour.