Remorse- Yaman realises all his sins.

Chapter 15

"There are not enough days in forever to allow me to fully express the depth of my love for you."

-Steve Maraboli

Seher said tearfully, "I cannot un-entangle my...my...my h-h-hook."

Yaman looked at her, trying to decipher what she meant. He raised his eyebrows in question. Then he understood belatedly, that she was talking about her bra hook. That was the reason for her being so flustered and nervous!

He nodded his head calmly and asked softly, "May I?"

There was fear in her eyes. But she gave up and nodded her head despairingly. Yaman came behind her quietly, lifted her undershirt just bare minimum to reach the hook of the bra and taking care not to touch or graze her bare back, he opened the hook.

His heart was beating erratically and he felt hot under the collar. His beautiful, gorgeous wife was standing in front of him in all her innocent glory and enchanting him without even being aware of it. His hands burnt and itched to touch and discover every inch of that soft, smooth skin. Oh, the temptation he resisted !

But he had to rein in and control himself and be a gentleman. His wife had been recently scarred and hurt and didn't trust him at all. He could not let her down. SHE WAS EVERYTHING TO HIM !!

When he felt rather than heard her taking shallow breaths and felt her body trembling under his hand, he knew he could not let her go without reassuring her. He had to make her feel safe and protected.

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When Seher realised that the hook had been opened, she tried to move away hastily but Yaman held her wrist from behind and stopped her. He said, "Evet. It is true that I want to be so close to you that there remains not an inch of space between the two of us. I want to kiss every part of you. But I can control myself, Seher. I wouldn't pounce on you, seeing naked flesh. You are a lady through and through and don't fret, you have not given me any invitation whatsoever.If you are concerned that I will take advantage of such situations to bed you, you should know by now that I am not that kind of a man.Trying to seduce you when I can still see distrust in your eyes, is not my idea of love.Please don't feel embarrassed. Anything that ever occurs between us in future would be purely according to your wish and only if you are comfortable. I shall wait for you, even if it is till the end of time. I know you hate me right now.But I just want to say that you are safe with me."

Seher couldn't meet his eyes. She was now properly embarrassed and unnerved. She had never had any talks on marital intimacy with anyone, let alone experience any actual intimacy. She felt like a prude and a simpleton who didn't even know how to handle such situations and conversations. She wished she had her mother and her sister with her right now, who could have told her something about what happens between a man and a woman- within a marriage. She gulped, nodded her head and tremulously said, "Thank you. And I know that you would not do s-s-such a thing. I never said that."

And then she cried. She cried her heart out. She cried for all they had lost; she cried for all the precious and beautiful times they had squandered after marriage- the most beautiful time of a couple's marital lives. If only there had been no misunderstandings ! It had destroyed both their lives as if a lone tree had been mercilessly struck by lightning. Their innocent, budding love had been trampled upon by the feet of time, even before it could bloom to its full glory.

Seher's nerves were frayed and she was emotionally and mentally exhausted. At other times, she would have composed herself but tonight, she was unable to take all the agony, longing, love and hurt anymore. She simply wanted to hug her husband and give him and herself an assurance that everything would work out fine. That there would eventually be light at the end of the tunnel after this torment ends. She was not sure anymore what she even wanted. She just wanted to comfort Yaman and be comforted. Her gentle soul could not see him in misery, even though she herself was hurting profusely.

Seeing her cry like this, Yaman could not endure anymore and opened his arms for her and she willingly walked into them.

The moment they hugged, Yaman felt akin to a thirsty traveler who had ultimately found oasis in a desert, after being lost for ages.He felt all his love for Seher surging in his heart. It was as if his wounds were being cured, the instant he received Seher's warmth and touch.

Their bodies were very close, without an iota of space between them and her breasts were touching his chest. They could feel each other's heartbeats.

His beautiful wife, who was as soft on the outside as on the inside, was doing things to Yaman that no one in the world was successful in doing uptil now. She was transforming this broken man bit by bit- through her gestures, her presence, her loving heart, her care, her innocence, her love and now through the warmth of her body. When her soft, feminine form came in contact with his hard muscular body, it was silently teaching him strength in gentleness. Her soft, pliant body made him weak in the knees ! It turned him into a protector and simultaneously aroused tender emotions in him.

He, Yaman Kirimli, who had scoffed at love and women long ago, was now being broken down and being made anew, by this wonderful woman's true love. He, who had thought women weak in body and spirit at one point, was now getting strength from a woman's body, a woman who was teaching him not only about love but also that opening up one's heart and being kind and gentle was a mark of strength and not weakness.

Seher was not fragile, she was strong, beautiful and brave ! She had been brave and courageous all along.

She wore her heart on her sleeves for her loved ones. A woman for whom her nephew was the centre of her universe. She had reared Yusuf like a child of her own womb. A woman for whom human emotions and affections mattered more than any material concerns ever could.

How could he have thought that she was interested in his wealth?? She was the only woman who had in fact been benevolent and selfless enough to share HER WEALTH with a pauper like him; her wealth of love, kindness and generosity.

All her interactions with people in her life showed that she was a woman who was an epitome of love and affection. God had luckily bestowed her in his destiny and he would NEVER LET HER GO, ever again !!! This beautiful, innocent, vulnerable, child woman had taught him more than all the experiences of his life combined.

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Seher felt as if she had finally come home. She sincerely promised herself that she would think of tomorrow a bit later; that she would become rational and pragmatic a bit later; that she would create distance from her husband, for her sanity, a bit later; but for now, she just wanted to hug him and find solace from all her miseries and anguish- solace which only one's home could give. AND HE WAS HER HOME!

They hugged each other for what seemed like an eternity. Yaman held her tightly by the waist, as if afraid that she would vanish into thin air, if he let her go.Finally, after what seemed like some minutes, Yaman looked at Seher. He could see confusion, love, hope, shame, hurt, and pain, all mingled together, in those beautiful and expressive green eyes of hers. Very slowly and delicately, he kissed away her tears from her face. He then kissed her forehead, her cheeks and her temples. After showering her face with soft kisses, he longingly looked at her beautiful, soft lips. He badly wanted to kiss her there !

He wanted to kiss her long and hard and explore every inch of her enticing mouth. He wanted to make them both forget all the hardships they had been through. He wanted to see those lush red lips of hers swollen, after his kisses. He wanted to see uninhibited desire in her eyes and hear her cry out his name in ecstasy. He imagined her naked and soft under him, and he desired to be inside her and feel her soft womanhood and kiss her senseless.

He wanted to make love to her till wee hours of the morning, and see her eyes shine with passion, happiness and euphoria. He wanted to remove all the tears and sadness from her eyes and replace it with joy and love. He just wanted to worship her, body and soul. His only aim in life now was giving Seher her bliss and tranquility back and making her the happiest woman in the world!!

He suddenly stopped himself. No ! He could not frighten Seher. She needed time and deserved to be treated with gentleness! She was not ready. She was still distrustful of him, godammit! He could not behave like an animal. He was a gentleman and he would prove it to her. He had to stop looking at those loving and innocent eyes and that delectable and inviting mouth of hers, before he lost absolute control. He knew she was an innocent when it came to matters of physical intimacy and love making.

He said hoarsely, " I think you should go and change..before..I..."

To be continued.