Finding fireworks || Sirius Black

14

"You are a bad liar, Sirius Black,"

A couple of days before going back to school Lily asked how things were going with James and I dismissively said something like 'great' and quickly changed the topic. I told myself it was because it would be insensitive to talk to her about it while she was grieving her broken relationship but the annoying voice in my head snickered at me. I had to shut that voice down for good.

Lily had started feeling much better after the first week and by the time we were back at King's Cross she was completely over Cal and ready to meet someone new.

The Marauders, as I now called them in the privacy of my mind, had stayed at school over the holiday and I could not wait to see them. I had missed them. Alice had stayed with them. Well, scratch that, she had stayed with Remus. I did not want to know the things those two had gotten up to in our empty bedroom.

I jumped out of the carriage and helped Lily, who was much more delicate than I was, get off too. It took some effort for us shorties. Last term of the sixth year. I couldn't believe how quickly this year was going. I didn't have much time to dwell on it, though. We made our way to the Great Hall and found Alice sat at the table by herself.

"Hello!" Lily said cheerfully.

"Hi Alice, we missed you" I added, sitting next to her. She smiled warmly at us.

"Go on, Jo. I know you're dying to ask"

"Where are they?" she knew me so well. I hadn't been able to refrain from scanning the hall a few times already.

"Prank" she whispered.

"Ooh, and we're safe here?"

"It's a Slytherin-only prank" she informed us. As if on cue, we heard a big commotion and saw people jumping, screaming, and cursing at the Slytherin table. I shook my head and smiled.

"James told me to tell you after the prank he'd be waiting for you," Alice said.

"Where?"

"He said, and I quote, 'our special room'" Lily started giggling at that.

"That is so cute you guys," she said.

"Do you actually know where he means?" Alice checked.

I nodded and stood up. "I'll see you guys in our room" I waved goodbye and went to meet James.

I realized as I made my way to the room that I was a bit nervous. I had missed James, a lot. But I hadn't missed him as much as I thought I would. Individually, I mean. I had missed all of them. 'You missed Sirius individually' said the annoying voice in my head. I scoffed and ignored it, as per usual. James and I had been dating for over two months and things had been going well, much better after he let me in on their map secret and the whole Cal thing, but over the past two weeks, I'd found myself wondering with some degree of disappointment if this was it. I kept hoping to feel something more even though I didn't know what it was I was looking for.

Let me explain, I had read enough novels and listened to enough songs to have a romanticized idea of what love was supposed to feel like. I was either not in love with James, or people had greatly exaggerated the feeling. I didn't have a problem with not being in love with James yet. I thought it was probably something that took time. I had a problem with having doubts, and with the fact that I didn't know if they were legit. It was starting to freak me out. I also had a problem not knowing how James felt. I didn't want him to be more into me than I was into him, it wasn't fair and he didn't deserve it. He didn't deserve my doubts. I wanted us both to be equal. I, however, did not know what to do to find out. If I asked him, he could take it the wrong way.