SOFT SPOT// h.s

3.3 ~ Confessions

I sighed nervously before I spoke. "Harry there's something I need to tell you."
--
I looked into his eyes with sincerity and watched as they bored into mine. I could feel my stomach churning again and my palms beginning to sweat.

I can do this. I thought nervously.

"Harry... I.. Ellie is.." I stammered. I couldn't seem to form the words and as I looked at Harry's puzzled expression, my gut instinct seemed to be telling me to stop, not to go any further with my confession.

Come on, don't chicken out!!

"Go on," He prompted me gently.

"I- I don't know Harry, sorry," I mumbled, breaking away from his gaze. I felt my heart sink. I had been so sure that I was going to tell him today. Maybe I could try again later.

Surprisingly, Harry didn't pry or push the subject, but turned the key in the ignition forcefully, and pulled out of the parking lot and continued our route down the highway.

He didn't speak for a while as he gripped the steering wheel tightly, his eyes focused on the road.

"What's wrong?" I asked him bravely, noticing his change in mood. He just shook his head in reply.

I sighed in exasperation. "What is it Harry?" I urged him, my nosiness getting the better of me.

He exhaled heavily through his nose, an indication that he was agitated. "I thought you told me that you trusted me," he spat.

I stared at him dumbfoundedly. "I do Harry," I mumbled pathetically.

"Then why did you stop yourself from saying something?" He demanded.

I shook my head. "Harry, it's really no big deal, seriously, drop it," I told him, my heart hammering against my ribcage.

"Why do I feel like you're hiding something from me?" He said, his voice raised.

I blinked rapidly, trying my best not to look guilty as fuck. "I'm not," I squeaked.

"Lies Clary, fucking lies!" he yelled, and I could see his face growing redder with anger. He slammed the side of his fist into the steering wheel, causing the horn to honk loudly.

I cowered back in my seat, the guilt absolutely devouring me. I had to let this out. I had to let go of this weight that was rested on my shoulders like a dark grey cloud about to burst with a storm of rain.

"You know what?" I answered him loudly. "Yeah, I am lying. Because I am keeping something from you!"

"Well do you just expect me to continue playing your sick, fucking guessing game? Or are you actually going to tell me?" He shouted back, his breathing heavy.

"Are you being deliberately braindead?!" I asked him, my tone full of ridicule.

"Well are you deliberately being an annoying bitch? Just spit it the fuck out," he yelled, his strong voice almost scaring me. If I hadn't been so angry, I probably would have been terrified. But no, my anger and exasperation took over, and I had nothing but adrenaline racing through my veins.

"It's Ellie, you stupid, inconsiderate asshole! Can't you just tell? Or are you that stupid and dim that you don't even recognise your own fucking daughter?" I screamed at him, regretting my words as soon as they tumbled out of my mouth.

But I couldn't seem to stop. "Where were you Harry, when she was up all night sick with colic for months? When she got her first tooth and took her first steps?! Where the fuck were you when I thought I would have to give my own baby away to a social worker because I couldn't even afford a diaper? I didn't have anyone to lean on Harry. It was just me and Ellie until Noah came around," I said, my voice growing softer by the time I finished.