Get Lost! || 1D Comedy

7. strike

Scene 8: [LOCATION: Los Angeles, Niall's apartment, 9:15 am]

LOUIS: "Niall, we're gonna be late again."

NIALL: "I don't get why you keep waiting for me when you have your car back now. Your dick is free, let mine be, it's suffocating."

LOUIS: "That's the weirdest metaphor I've heard this year."

NIALL: (stretches boxers, whispers loudly) "suff-o-cat-ingggg."

LOUIS: "Put your damn pants on and lets go." (throws pants in Niall's face, Niall sputters)

NIALL: (puts legs through pants slowly) "I'll take my time."

LOUIS: (realization) "Oh... I know what this is about. You want Barbara to confront you again."

NIALL: (innocently) "Is that a crime?"

LOUIS: "Implying the fact that she doesn't like you and you're wasting your time with her, yes it is."

NIALL: (mumbles) "You don't have to be such a bitch about it though."

LOUIS: "You wanna say that louder, Horan? I can totally blackmail you to Ben and tell him you went to WalMart during your lunch break."

NIALL: (gasps, frozen in place, turns head towards Louis dramatically) "You wouldn't."

LOUIS: (smiles wickedly) "You really don't know how heartless I can be."

NIALL: "Okay, okay, I'm coming."

LOUIS: (grabs keys) "That's what I thought. We're taking my car. If it explodes, I'm dragging you to hell with me."

[LOCATION: Target, Employee Break Room, 9:40 am]

NIALL: (tucking shirt in) "Is Barbara in there?"

LOUIS: "Nope. Looks like you wasted more time on purpose again.

BEN: (arms crossed) "Is that so?"

NIALL: "Oh shit."

BEN: "Both of you, my office. Now."

Scene 9: [LOCATION: Target, Ben Winston's office, 9:43 am]

LOUIS: "Ben, we can totally explain, Niall and I carpool with each other and-"

BEN: "It's Mr. Winston to you and I've heard enough of your crap." (holds up book) "I bought this book of basic employee excuses and almost everything you boys have told me is in here."

NIALL: "Wow, you have no life."

BEN: (sharp) "Uh, I believe I do and I'm wasting it talking to you idiots."

NIALL: (sneezes loudly) "Ah, shit, do you have tissue?"

BEN: (points) "Behind my desk."

LOUIS: (Niall gets up covering his nose, walking over to the tissue) "Okay, we may have lied a couple of times, but you knew that already. We'll get here earlier case clos-"

BEN: (raises finger) "Nah ah. That's not the only reason. I've been getting complaints from customers that you two tend to clown around with each other when you're supposed to be doing your jobs, which leads to longer lines and unhappy customers."

LOUIS: "That was only once or twice, sir."

BEN: "More like every day for the past two weeks. I don't think tossing milk cartons back and forth to each other until it splatters on the ground is proper employee etiquette."

NIALL: (laughs) "Ha, I remember that."

BEN: "Yeah, and you're probably going to do it again." (folds hands) "Which gave me the idea to move you Louis, to the electronic section of the store."

NIALL: (sneezes louder) "Sorry, I'm allergic to bullshit."

BEN: "Watch you mouth young man. I've gotten more complaints that you tend to swear a lot in front of children."

NIALL: "It's not my fault the parents raise their kids to be dickheads."

BEN: "There it is right there, censor yourself, you bastard."

LOUIS: "Ben, er Mr. Winston you can't be serious. At least have Niall go to the electronic section. He's younger than me and knows more about that shi- stuff."

BEN: "Fine, but the next time this happens," (Niall stands behind Ben, mimicking and flicking him off) "You two are fired."

LOUIS: (bursts out laughing, covers mouth) "Oops."

BEN: "Oh, so this is funny? This is strike two Louis. Take heed to it."

LOUIS: (serious) "Okay, sorry sir."

BEN: (Niall walks over to the door) "Same goes for you Niall, quit clowning around. I shouldn't have to see either of you in here again."

LOUIS: "Yes, sir, I apologize."

BEN: "And both of you should expect to see a decrease in your paychecks this week."

NIALL: "Hell no! I have to pay rent this month."

BEN: "Niall, all three of us know your rent is overdue and you spend your money going to strip clubs and paying for porn subscriptions." (Louis nods)

NIALL: "God, I told you too much."

BEN: (flicks hand) "Get outta here. Both of you." (Niall and Louis exit)

NIALL: "What a dickhead. No a monster. A dick eating monster."

LOUIS: "God, I can't get fired again."

NIALL: "Hey, Louis, calm down. This has got to be the seventh time Ben's told you this was strike two. Either he forgot how to count past that number or he's still doing that because he's afraid to fire you. He's most likely to fire me first anyway."

LOUIS: (walks with Niall to middle of store, looks down aisle) "Well, I guess this is where we part."

NIALL: (hair sways back and forth, touches Louis shoulder) "It's scary down there, in the outside world. Away from the people I know. But it's for the best."

LOUIS: (nods) "Make sure you keep those kids away from aisle seventeen, and pack those video games just as fast as you packed Mrs. Wintour's pads and diapers up here."

NIALL: "Those bastards can't stand a chance." (hugs Louis)

LOUIS: (hugs back) "See you during lunch break, buddy."

NIALL: (breaks hug) "McDonald's for sure." (turns, kicks box fan, it falls over and breaks)

LOUIS: "God damn it." (Niall runs away)

~

 I noticed that my chapters start with the letter s so I decided to keep up with it.