Get Lost! || 1D Comedy

11. unleash

Scene 15: [Monday, Target, Louis' shift, 10:15 am]

[Louis is at the cash register giving another customer her receipt before Mrs. Wintour comes up next slowly dragging her cart along]

LOUIS: (smiles) "Hey Mrs. W, how're you feeling today?"

MRS. WINTOUR: "Hello Louis." (sets items on conveyer belt, sighs) "Well, other than the fact that I just started perimenopause and I feel like I'm going to rip out of my body into a twerking Beyonce... I couldn't feel any better. (sets prune juice on belt, missing Louis' reaction) How are you hun?"

LOUIS: (shakes head, begins ringing up items) "I'm great."

MRS. WINTOUR: "Okay." (hides the fact that she's not buying it, looks around) "Where's Niall? I haven't seen him anywhere."

LOUIS: "Oh, uh, we got in trouble with our manager and he separated us."

MRS. WINTOUR: "What a dick."

LOUIS: "Excuse me?"

MRS. WINTOUR: "You heard me. He's a dick. Or is that an old term, is penis more understandable?"

LOUIS: (laughs, still scanning items) "No, you're spot on with the other word." (stops belt abruptly, lifting up item questioningly) "Mrs. Wintour, tampons? The adult diapers are still in aisle 17.

MRS. WINTOUR: (sighs, leans in closer to Louis) "I need to feel like a woman again, Lou."

LOUIS: (cringes, regretting asking) "Okay.."

MRS. WINTOUR: "I'm pretty sure Shaffer has prostate cancer and it's just not the same anymore."

LOUIS: (shoves tampons in the bag, louder) Alright! Um, and my condolences to him and all."

MRS. WINTOUR: "Oh, it's alright." (examines Louis some more, Louis notices and fidgets around) "You look sleepy hun, are you working overtime?"

LOUIS: "Yeah, I have to pay to get my friend's phone fixed so I'll have to."

MRS. WINTOUR: "Is it Harry?"

LOUIS: "How did you-"

MRS. WINTOUR: "Oh, please. I know you two are gay for each other."

LOUIS: "Mrs. W..."

MRS: WINTOUR: (digs into her purse) "I know, I know, this isn't a Larry fanfic, but at the end of the day..." (trails off taking out wallet) "And.."

LOUIS: "Oh, sorry." (enters buttons on the screen) "That'll be $25.50."

MRS. WINTOUR: "Okay." (hands Louis money) "This is for the groceries." (quickly pulls out another stack of money, shoving it in Louis' hand) "And shove that in your pocket, it's for the phone."

LOUIS: (eyes widen taking in what's happened, frozen in place) "Mrs. Wintour I can't-"

MRS. WINTOUR: (lifts finger, cutting him off) "Just do it you hedgehog."

LOUIS: (hides money, counting it) "This- this is over $200."

MRS. WINTOUR: (waves it off) "Yeah, that's not bothering me, that retirement money is just racking up on me and I need to do something with it."

LOUIS: (still speechless) "Thank you."

MRS. WINTOUR: "I know it might not pay for all of it because iPhones are unnecessarily expensive, but just add it to your paycheck and you'll be fine."