With You

Nine

SAM:

I always had trouble with people. I was the long awaited child, the only heir to the huge company my great-grandfather built from scratch. Growing up, I was obviously spoiled but I wasn't rotten. The meaning of no was completely unknown to me. I was completely and utterly loved.

However the older I got, I began to realize the reputation of my family name always preceded me. Outside, I was always and foremost an Emerson first, and Samuel second. I was named after my grandfather, with the plan of following his footsteps and then my dad's of leading the company. To strangers, I was an heir first and a son second. However, at home, being the miracle child, I was always a son first, an heir second.

As I began school, I naively enjoyed the attention people were giving me. However, the older I got, the more I began to feel the true weight of my name. By the time I was finishing elementary school, I transferred through all the private schools Boston had to offer. Even at that age, I felt the pressure my name was giving me. No matter what I did, how I behaved, everything was forgiven. Parents urged their kids to be friends with me, hoping to get some benefit being associated with my family. Everyone saw me as an asset, a favorable connection. No one was invested enough to glance behind the closed doors, only what was on the surface mattered. I was a must have limited edition item. I didn't have friends. I had acquittances. What kind of kid had that?

As I was finishing up elementary school, my mom transferred me to the best public school the area had to offer. I was still extremely popular with my peers, but at least this time they didn't know the true weight my family name carried. People knew we were well off, but lacking an insider's scoop, they never fully grasped the meaning of how well off my family truly was. That same year was the year I became rotten. If I was angry before because people only wanted me because of my last name, now I was just angry all the time. Kids were trying to befriend me but the more I acted out, the more they began to give up.

People were always envious. Jealous of the money I seemed to have, the things I had, and the way I carried myself. But that's all the saw. They only saw the exterior. They didn't get a peak behind the closed doors. Now, I wouldn't let them. To them, I was a rich kid, having an easy life. To them, I was a bored kid, with a short fuse, simply acting out. No more no less. I liked it that way. No one dared to go against me anymore, only this time, it wasn't because of my family name, it was because of who I had become.

That's why when Elliot showed up as the new kid, I had trouble figuring him out. No matter how mean or how cold I was to him, he simply shrugged it off. We eventually ended up at the same middle school. Before I knew it, he grew on me. Always giving me space and not getting offended when I blew up for no reason. For the first time in my life, I learned what it meant to have a friend. I was still drowning but finally I had a thread to hold onto, something to keep me from the obvious abyss I was falling deeper into each year.

The older I got and the more I acted out, the more rumors began circulating around my name. I still had an explosive personality with literally no patience. I would pick up fights almost on regular basis. I spent more time at the nurse's office or the principal's office than in class, enjoying the solitude it gave me. Nothing serious ever did come out of the empty threads thrown by the principal. They never really amounted to anything. As I said, connections do go a long way. I was the unpredictable crazy kind. I enjoyed seeing how far I could push people before they blew up. I looked forward to people blowing up on me, providing me with an excuse to let out my anger.

People were confused by how Elliot and I got along. We were both popular but him clearly for different reasons than mine. He was always the happy go lucky type of guy and I was the silent brooding type next to him, the one prone to disappearing without notice, coming and going as I pleased. When I got angry, people always looked uncomfortably away, shuffling quickly out of my sight. When Elliot saw me angry, he simply took it all in, completely unfazed by it.