Trust [a. irwin]

twenty-six

"Em, I'm sorry about everything that's happened." Britney frowns, coming to sit next to me.

"What? I'm fine." I reply.

"I know you have feelings for him, and after finally having that moment, he says you guys can't do anything about it, it sucks."

"I- I mean, yea, I- I have feelings for him. I don't think I want to do anything about it though. It wouldn't work anyways, he even said so. I'm not going to do anything about this, it's going to pass."

She sighs, "Em..."

"Can you just drive me now? I have to go meet Ashton's family."

"That's what you're doing today? Emma, I don't know if that's a good idea." She says.

"I'm just meeting his family. He's just a friend so..."

"Come on, Em..."

"Let's just go, okay?"

"Alright, fine."

-

The guys are all out, Ashton is upstairs with his brother and sister.

I'm sitting at the table with his mom, barely talking.

"You and Ashton seem like a lovely couple." She says.

I spit out my drink, coughing a few times before I'm able to reply, "I-uh, we- we aren't dating."

"The way he talks about you, he makes it sound like you are." She chuckles.

It's obvious she's trying to not laugh at me, I'm trying to clean up the water that I got everywhere.

"I'm so sorry, this is so embarrassing." I mumble.

"Oh, Emma, it's my fault. I'm sorry, I didn't realize." She replies.

I feel like I'm going to have an anxiety attack, but Ashton shows up, smiling at me, which starts calming me down, at least he can get her attention off me.

"Is Emma drooling again?" Ashton jokes, chuckling at himself.

I've just finished cleaning and look up at him, rolling my eyes.

"Well I'm taking Harry and Lauren out, is that okay?" He asks me.

"Yea, of course it is." I reply.

"Okay, just checking. You're good, right?" He questions.

I nod, "I'm totally fine."

"Alright. We'll be back soon, okay, mum?"

"Have fun." She grins.

He nods, leaving the room.

I smile, "He really cares about them, it's sweet."

"He's a good kid. It sucks that he's never home." She sighs. "I'm happy that he gets to do this though. I'm so proud, he's done so much."

"I know, he's amazing."

"Has Ashton been behaving while he's been here?" She asks.

"Oh, totally. I try to keep them all under control but it's really not easy." I chuckle.

"You know, you seem like a great person, I'm glad you and Ashton became friends."

I smile, "I'm glad too."

-

"My mum says you're great, she was going on and on about you."

I chuckle, "We had a good time today."

"Oh, what was that whole water thing?"

"Um, she, uh, she said we're a lovely couple, I ended up spitting my drink out."

Ashton and I haven't talked about anything about us, so this is awkward for us.

"Oh. You told her we aren't dating, right?"

I nod, "Yea, she understands we're just friends."

"Good."

"You know, your family is great." I smile and look up at him.

He smiles back, "They are, aren't they?"

"You're so lucky you have your mom around." I whisper.

"And you're so lucky you have your dad around."

"Wow." I mumble.

"Wow." He repeats.

"I- I should probably go home now."

"Oh, okay. Are you sure you don't want to stay?" He questions.

"Your family's here. I'm not going to stay here, it's okay." I chuckle.

"I- oh. Yea, I guess I'll see you soon."

"Yea, you will."

-

"Brit... I- I need your help."

"Uh, Em? Are you okay? Breathe, it's okay." She quickly says.

"I- I'm not sure what to do. Ashton is just so- I- Brit-"

"Are you having an anxiety attack because you have feelings for him?"

"Maybe..."

"I'd come over, but Em, it's two in the morning."

"Fuck, I need to stop doing this." I mumble, trying my best to breathe properly.

"Hey, what is it? What is it that's bothering you?"

"All these feelings. I- I'm so freaked out its all coming out of nowhere and everything's changing and I can't do it, Brit, I can't."

"Em, it's okay. I know you're scared of change, I know these feelings are weird for you but you have to just go with it. You can't just automatically stop having feelings for Ashton."

"I'm so sorry." I choke out.

She sighs, "It's okay. You know that."

"I should probably go."

"Okay. Love you. Remember that."

A small smile stretches across my face, "Brit, thanks. Love you."

"I'll make sure I come over again soon." She replies before we end the call.

I sigh, sitting up since I know I won't be able to go back to sleep for a while.

Grabbing my sketchbook, I open it and start drawing.

After a while, my phone buzzes and I look over at it in confusion.

'Hey, Em. I know you're probably asleep, but I just wanted to let you know I'm so happy with how today went. My mum absolutely loves you and the short time we spent with my brother and sister, they love you also. I told you there would be nothing to worry about :)'

All I could think about was how I wanted there to be one more person on that list of people who love me.

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hi idk what im doing