Trust [a. irwin]

thirty-one

I'm finally ready for my trip. Finally, tomorrow, I get to leave for what I've been planning for a year.

My dad and I have been out all day, I've been trying to spend time with him because I'm obviously not going to be here for a while.

"Em, you're going to remember your number changed, right? So when people ask for your number, you don't give them-"

"Dad, I got it. Don't worry." I chuckle.

We're on our way home, and he's going over everything, I think he's more stressed than I am.

"I just want to make sure everything is okay for when you leave. I'm just- I'm nervous for you, and I'm going to miss you so much."

"I'm gonna miss you too. I feel bad, leaving you alone."

"Actually, I wanted to talk to you about that..."

"Okay..."

"I won't be alone, I- I actually have somebody in my life a-and I-"

"Dad, it's okay. You're allowed to do what you want. I'm not ten anymore, you don't need my permission." I weakly smile.

"I'm sorry, Em, you-"

"You know, I'd rather not discuss this right now." I interrupt, giving him a weak smile.

"I'm so sorry."

"No, it's okay. I'm happy for you."

We pull up at the house and I go up to my room as fast as possible, not wanting to talk with my dad.

I sit on my bed and decide to call Britney. As soon as she picks up she shrieks, "We're leaving tomorrow!"

"I can't believe it's finally happening." I reply, a small smile on my lips.

"I'm sad I won't be with you for the whole trip, but I know you're going to have an amazing time."

"I'm so excited, Brit. This is it, I'm starting over. Whatever hell I've been through all these years, this stupid summer that just passed, it's all over. This is a new beginning for me."

"I'm such a bitch or whatever, and I never seem to be nice, but I am so proud of you, Em. I never say it enough, I love you. You're the greatest cousin, and best friend I could ever ask for. I can't even explain how happy it makes me that you're doing this."

I smile to myself and lay back in bed, thinking about how great this is going to be.

"Do you think I'll be okay?" I ask.

"Yea, I think you'll be just fine."

-

I keep going over everything again and again, I know everything is set but I'm nervous.

"Em, you have everything. It's okay. You're fine." My dad chuckles, pulling up at the airport.

"I didn't think I'd be this nervous but now that the day is here I'm just, I'm terrified."

"You know it'll be okay. Come on, Britney is already here, let's go."

I sigh, getting out and grabbing my things.

"It's all going to be okay, you know that. You're going to be with Britney, it's okay." My dad says.

"I know, I'll be okay with Britney. I'm nervous to go across the world myself."

We get inside, and Britney smiles at me, I weakly smile back.

"Don't be nervous." She whispers, pulling me into a hug.

I take a deep breath, "We'll do great, we'll be fine."

She smiles, "We will."

"Are we actually doing this?"

"Em! Be excited! You've wanted this for so long!" Britney says, jumping up and down.

I chuckle, "I'll probably be more excited after getting off the plane."

"Then let's go do everything we've got to do so we can board that plane."

-

Feeling like this in public is horrible, but when stuck on a plane, it's worse.

I've been trying to hold back tears for a while now, and I'd talk to Britney but she fell asleep right when we took off, she's been starting to wake up so I'm trying to calm down but it's not working.

It's all been about Ashton lately. All I think about is him, and I end up like this.

"Em." Brit groans, poking my arm.

"Yea?" I question, trying to wipe my eyes.

"Em, why didn't you wake me? What's wrong?" She questions, turning to me.

"Because I don't need to wake you just because I'm a total idiot for missing Ashton."

"Oh, Emma..."

I sniffle, shaking my head, "I'm sorry. I'm okay."

"No, you're clearly not." She quietly says.

"I don't know why I miss him so much." I mumble, making sure I don't cry again.

"You miss him because you still love him." She whispers.

"I refuse to say it. Even if I do, I won't admit it. I have to learn to ignore it." I tell her.

"That's not necessarily healthy for you."

"I have to, Brit. You don't understand. This could ruin so much of my trip. I have to learn to push away the feelings." I choke out.

"Em, you should just call him."

"My number changed, I'd rather not give him my new one by calling. I don't even have his number. I only kept Luke's in case I really need to talk to him or whatever."

"Em-"

"I need you to agree with me. Just let me do this so I can move on with my life." I quietly reply, not looking at her.

She sighs, "Okay. Well, we're about to land."

"This is good. This is exciting. The trip is here, we're gonna be fine. It's great." I say, more to myself.

She smiles, "It will be great. Let's do this. Let's start travelling the world."

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hey sorry for taking so long to make a bad chapter but do you guys want me to skip some trip stuff and go right to when ashton is going to come back in the book or do you want me to put the trip stuff in