Trust [a. irwin]

thirteen

Tonight hasn't been a good night for me. It's one of my bad nights.

A bad night is classified as a bad night when I just sit in bed, or on the floor next to my bed, or even on my bathroom floor, and I just keep the lights off, trying to deal with my thoughts.

With the voices in my head.

All I want to do is call somebody, but Britney's at a party and my dad is out with friends. The only other person is Ashton.

I can't tell him what's going on.

But I have to talk to somebody, before I do something I'll regret.

I grab my phone, taking deep breaths, trying to calm down but I know it won't work.

Clicking on his contact with shaking hand, I wonder if I should really do this. He's probably just going to think I'm some freak.

Before I know it Ashton picks up, "Hey, Emma."

"Uh, Ashton." I choke out, barely able to catch my breath.

"Are you okay?" He quickly asks.

"I-I, um-"

This was a mistake.

"Emma?" He questions.

"I- can you just tell me about your day? I need a distraction, please?" I ask, standing up from the bathroom floor and leaning up against the wall.

He chuckles, "Um, okay... Well we just did some recording today. We all went except Luke. Calum and Michael fought so we stopped early. I don't even remember what they were fighting about, it was probably something stupid. We talked about how you should come with us to the studio. Now do you want to tell me what's going on?"

"I- just feeling shitty, wanted to talk to you. Wanted to know how you're doing."

"It's three in the morning, Emma. Something has to be going on." He replies, lightly chuckling.

"Wait, it is? Oh, I'm so sorry. I'll let you sleep." I mumble, completely embarrassed. I wouldn't have called if I knew the time.

"No, it's okay. If something's bothering you, you can call me at any time." He tells me.

"Really?" I question, a small smile finding its way to my lips.

"Really." He replies.

I awkwardly cough, "Um, well, thanks for sitting through this. I'm sorry."

"It isn't a problem." He chuckles.

"I guess I should go try and sleep or something." I reply.

He yawns, "Okay. Goodnight, Emma."

"Night, Ashton."

After ending the call, I walk back into my room and plug my phone in before climbing into bed.

I don't know how long I was staring at the ceiling trying to fall sleep.

-

Planning for my trip has become a lot harder than I thought it would be. I gave up on trying to sleep, I've been in front of my laptop for hours.

There's a knock at my bedroom door and I groan, getting up.

"I told you to- Ashton?"

"Hi, Emma." He smiles.

"I uh, guess you can come in." I mutter, letting him in.

I go back to my bed and continue trip planning, as Ashton sits next to me.