Trust [a. irwin]

eleven

"You know, you shouldn't be smoking." Ashton says, looking over at me.

I puff out the smoke, and raise my eyebrows, "Really? Weren't we just smoking pot the other day?"

"That's different. I'm talking about this smoking you do everyday. Emma, I'm serious." He says, his hands running through the sand we're sitting in.

We got up really early to watch the sunrise, it's beautiful seeing the light reflecting in the water and the different colours in the sky as the sun appears.

"You're serious about what?" I question.

"That smoking isn't good for you." He replies.

"I know that." I tell him.

"Then why do you do it?" He asks.

"It calms me down." I shrug, laying down in the sand, staring up at the sky while taking another drag then puffing out the smoke.

He lays down next to me and sighs.

"With you, one of my goals is-"

"To fuck me? Because apparently Calum and Luke are already in line." I interrupt.

"No, to get you to quit smoking." He says.

I laugh, "Good luck."

Looking over at him, I see him roll his eyes and I smile.

"You're difficult." He mutters.

I look back up to the sky and sigh, "Trust me, I know."

"What is that supposed mean?" He questions, looking away from the sky and over at me.

"There's just stuff about me, I'm difficult to deal with." I mumble, avoiding his eyes staring at me.

"Like what?" He asks.

"Just drop it." I snap.

"Sorry. I just want to get to know you." He quietly says, looking back up at the sky.

"If I knew I could trust you, I would tell you. But I don't trust people, so I won't tell you." I whisper.

"But Emma-"

I sit up, putting out my cigarette and get up.

"Emma I-"

"Just give me a minute, please." I quietly beg, barely able to speak due to the feeling of my throat tightening.

I walk down the beach, taking deep breaths, trying to calm down, but knowing Ashton is watching me it makes things worse.

You shouldn't have told him anything. You shouldn't have said anything. God, you're so stupid, Emma.

"You're fine, it's just Ashton." I whisper to myself, trying to somehow relax so I can go back and sit so he isn't staring at me with a worried look on his face.

By the time I finally get back to him, he stands up, and looks me straight in the eyes.

"Are you okay?" He asks.

I put on a fake smile, as I do so often, "Yea, I'm fine."

"Come on, let's head back." He says, nudging me.

I nod, looking down and I move my hair to let it hide half of my face.

"Emma." Ashton says, stopping me from walking.

"What?" I softly question, not looking up at him.

"Hey, look at me." He calls, tilting my head up and moving my hair out of my face. "I don't know what happened, I don't know if it was my fault, but I'm sorry. If I said something that bothered you I didn't mean to upset you. I don't want you to be sad."