It's been 2 days and I'm finally allowed to leave the hospital room, Zoey wanted me to stay put so she can keep an eye on me and the baby, it feels so weird me saying baby, I know I babysit peoples children but I never saw myself being a mum and there is 2 reasons for that one because of the life our family is and two because I'm a lesbian and my family don't know.
I know your thinking if Harley can come out to his family then I can with mine and I probably could but I don't know I just don't want them knowing yet or either I'm ashamed of it myself when I know deep down I don't need to be. I've been thinking more and more these past 2 days about just telling everyone because after everything that has happened to me life is to short.
Also more and more I think about it I won't find true love anyways because I no longer have assets that women like, who would like me when I have no breasts, who would like me when I've got scars all over my back and no one will like me knowing I have a kid. I've been told by Zoey, my mum and Fallon that I seriously need to think about whether or not I want to keep this baby.
I've done nothing but think, I've been thinking how can I give this child what it needs, I can't breast feed it and I know a lot of mums don't and I would bottle feed anyways but it's the fact that someone took that option away from me, how will the kid live with the fact that it's mum is a lesbian and he or she doesn't have a dad in the picture.
The beautiful Bea who is my bloody psychologist has been coming over every day and every day I've been silent with her and everyone to be fair apart from Nova and Antonio, I couldn't just not speak to them when they don't understand any of this, Bea is just trying to do her job and I'm being a child but if I talk to her it allows me to feel and be weak and I don't want to be weak again.
No matter how beautiful she looks we could never be more than acquaintances, she's professional and I'm just a sad girl who needs fixing.
KNOCK KNOCK
Bea – Hey hey!
She pops her head around the door and smiles at me.
Bea – Can I come in?
I nod my head and she smiles and walks in wearing a casual black top and blue shorts and bloody hell if I was a man I would have a hard on already, her long thin legs make my mouth go dry, this is the first time since my ex that I felt this much desire.
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Bea – How are you today?
I shrug my shoulders and she smiles and sits down in the chair.
Bea – Your allowed to leave the room today, I bet your so excited, shall we get you up and dressed and into the main living room or kitchen?
