XiCheng: The Last Lotus [AU- OMEGAVERSE]

20

But her husband was already gone.

Yu Ziyuan sat there, her mind still reeling in shock.

What had she done? They were fine a few minutes ago. What did she do this time?

She stared at the door, confusion etched into her violet eyes. "What did I say? Why did you get so mad? Who di-"

She trailed off, eyes widening as realization finally dawned on her.

The boy. It was the boy. It was that damned Wei Wuxian! 

That child... that blasphemous child! He said that Jin Zhu was dead, said that Ziyuan's most loyal servants were slaughtered under the Wen's feet. He said that Jin Zhu had sacrificed herself- letting her blood bleed dry for the sake of her sect. He said that her spiders- her precious sisters were gone, their souls having already left this Earth.

He lied.

He had to have lied.

Because Jin Zhu and Yin Zhu were Yu Ziyuan's most trusted companions, her constant pillars of support during her darkest hours. Because the twins were two of the fiercest people she knew, two of the strongest and bravest women out there. Because her handmaidens had been more than just her servants. They had been her dearest friends as well.

They couldn't be dead. They couldn't be gone. They just couldn't.

Because Yu Ziyuan couldn't handle their losses, couldn't cope with the empty hole their absences left in her heart. Because without her sisters-in-arms, Yu Ziyuan didn't know how to continue, didn't know what to do. 

She wouldn't have Jin Zhu's steady presence and Yin Zhu's teasing remarks. She would never hear her friend's laughing mockery, as she goaded Yu Ziyuan for her ruffled hair and rumpled robes. She would never feel the safety of Jin Zhu's embrace, as she hugged Ziyuan after a particularly bad argument with her husband.

She would never-

"Fucking hell. I'm driving myself crazy," Yu Ziyuan grumbled under her breath, her temper flaring as she rose from her bed.

Dimly, she was aware of the pain that flared to life in her arm, her wounds opening and tearing as she forced herself to stand up. Dimly, she noticed the pitch-black darkness, as she made her way up to the deck. Dimly, she heard her sharp intakes of breath, every time her steps would jostle her wound.

Dimly, she was aware of the trail of blood she left behind, the deep crimson spray staining the wood beneath her.

But nothing compared to the rage that bubbled up in her chest- leaving her helpless to its overwhelming fury.

Rage. Rage was good. Rage was her armor, her shield against the hurt. Rage was her shelter, her bristly wall around her heart. Rage was her cover, her only defense against the whirlwind of hurt that plagued her heart. Rage was her response, her go-to reaction when she was scared. Rage was the only thing that kept her going, pumping in her- the temporary will to live.

Rage... it never failed to rear its ugly head. Not when it concerned the boy.

Yu Ziyuan let out a shuddering breath, letting her thoughts run loose as she walked- aimlessly around.

She closed her eyes, a pain striking deep inside her as she lamented in her fate.

Truly. It's so unfair.

To look at yourself in the mirror, only to be confronted by self-pity and hatred. To wake up in the morning and see bright silver eyes latch onto you. To look into those eyes- those bright and sunny eyes that shine with such purity and innocence. To see those brilliant flecks of silver light up as they look at your husband. Those silver eyes, those beautiful eyes that looked far too similar to the old ghosts that keep haunting your dreams. To see those luminous orbs that seemed only to radiate brightness and untouched naivety.