XiCheng: The Last Lotus [AU- OMEGAVERSE]

32

"What's wrong, my children?"

The darkness was numbing. It closed in on her, slowly suffocating her in its misery.

Yu Ziyuan felt like she was drowning- barely able to keep her head above the endless sea of sorrow and grief. The darkness had been crushing her, stomping out the air from her lungs as it constricted tightly around her.

She closed her eyes, begging it to stop. She didn't want this- didn't want to be trapped in a bottomless abyss of nothingness. She just wanted peace- just wanted to forget.

Was it so hard? Was it so much to ask? Did she not deserve something as simple as death? Was even that too much to beg?

How utterly pathetic she must be, how utterly useless she was. To not be allowed any measure of peace- the Violet Spider must've done something horrible to have offended the gods so.

Yu Ziyuan took a deep breath- a dampness to her cheeks as she trudged forward, wrapping her arms tightly around herself as she forced her feet to walk onwards.

It wasn't long before the darkness gave way, and the faint bustle of the marketplace greeted her. The sun shone down from above, and the smell of lotuses drifted in the breeze, making its way towards her- the fresh air filling her senses. The loud, hearty laughs booming across Yunmeng as disciples in purple robes discussed animatedly with the vendors.

Yu Ziyuan sighed. This was nothing new. Every day she would walk, and every day the same thing would happen.

The market would soon fade away, and Yu Ziyuan would be greeted with the comforting presence of Lotus Pier- the gates looming before her in a show of might.

This time- it was nothing different.

Harsh calls echoed in the wind- her own fierce cries ringing through Yunmeng. Violet eyes narrowed spitefully at its victims- the ring on its finger flashing as lightning sizzled through the air. The fearsome bellows of Madam Yu- cruel and unforgiving in her mocking taunts.

It confused Yu Ziyuan at first- seeing herself here. It confused her because that woman looked like her, acted like her- but she wasn't her.

It was uncanny, though. Uncanny how similar they were.

That Yu Ziyuan wore the same bitter, hurt look that she, herself, knew so intimately well. This other version of her- she had that same dark hatred and guilty gleam in her eyes, had that same fear and insecurity that often overwhelmed her in its advance. She had that same glimmer of hope- that same spark of love lighting up her face, every time purple robes would flutter by, and a man with kind eyes and a gentle smile would waltz his way into her life. She had that same pain and despairing resignation- that same defeated look on her eyes. She had that same fiery temper- had the same harsh words to say to her husband's ward. She had that same hatred- that same loathing and disgust that shone clearly on her face every time she stumbled upon Wei Wuxian. She had that same longing- that same yearning plea ready to spill from her lips- in a desperate cry for her husband. She had that same pride- the same stubborn tenacity to just twist her lips and stay silent.

And you know, it was honestly ironic: the way that even now- Yu Ziyuan still fruitlessly loved Jiang Fengmian. The way even now- she still hopelessly yearned for a man that would never love her back.

Yu Ziyuan gave a bitter laugh, a flash of pain clouding those brilliant violet eyes- before she squeezed them shut, a single tear trailing down her face.

Maybe she was just cursed. Maybe she was just destined to love that man no matter which version of her it was. Maybe she was always meant to end up alone and hurt- no matter the cruel twist of fate that would be. Maybe she was just supposed to always pine after someone she could never have- to always long for something more when she clearly knew that it would never happen.