XiCheng: The Last Lotus [AU- OMEGAVERSE]

34

"I hear you, and I also hear father- standing behind the door."

Yu Ziyuan's head snapped up, whirling around to stare at the door. "Who-"

"Ziyuan," a voice interrupted, the soft swish of purple robes cutting through the tense silence. "Ziyuan it's you," a dazed murmur sounded as Jiang Fengmian stumbled into the room.

Yu Ziyuan felt her heart twist painfully- hissing softly through her teeth.

Fucking hell.

Why did it have to be him? Of all fucking people.

"Yes?" she asked, stiffening as she shot a wary look at him.

Jiang Fengmian flinched from the coldness in her voice- holding his arms out hesitantly. It looked like he wanted to hug her- but was too scared and shy to do so.

Yu Ziyuan frowned at the guilty look on his face- the sorrow that seemed to eat away at him.

"Are you ok?" she murmured, unable to stop herself from worrying.

"I-" Jiang Fengmian started- before cutting off and hanging his head in shame. He swallowed- his adam's apple bobbing. "I don't-"

He broke off- choking up as a sob ripped past his lips.

Yu Ziyuan's eyes widened- her own lip trembling in response to her mate's distress.

She frowned, silently making a shooing motion at her children.

She pretended not to see the relieved look on their faces as they slowly backed away- turning around and sprinting from the room.

"Fengmian?" she murmured, tilting her head in question. "Fengmian what's wrong?"

"Everything," he blurted, gazing pleadingly at her. "Every fucking thing is wrong."

Yu Ziyuan narrowed her eyes. "What the hell happened?" she demanded, dread pooling up in her stomach.

Did something bad happen? Did someone die? Was A-Cheng hurt? Did one of their disciples get killed? Had the Wen's caught up to them? Was Wen Zhuliu somehow still alive? Did-

"For starters- I've been a shitty husband and an even shittier father," Jiang Fengmian murmured- interrupting her train of thought. "I fucked up being a father- and I fucked up some more being a husband. I made my wife feel like she was worthless- like she wasn't the most precious thing in the world. I made my darling feel like she wasn't enough- like she wasn't miles better than everyone else. I made my lady- my fucking mate- feel like a total piece of shit. I blamed her for everything- like it was her fault that she had an asshole of a husband. I made everyone around me miserable- trying to compensate for my lack of control. I-"

Jiang Fengmian faltered- his breath coming out in raspy pants.

"I messed up Ziyuan. I messed everything up. I made you feel like I didn't love you- like it's not you that fuels my very will to live. I made you feel like I was still hung up over some childhood crush- like I hadn't already forgotten that woman long ago. I made you feel like you were second best- like you were anything other than the best of the best. I-I-"

Jiang Fengmian gave a loud sob, collapsing to his knees in front of her.

"I feel like shit," he muttered, his body trembling under the weight of his cries. "I hate myself so much," he whispered, closing his eyes in despair. "I hate myself because I thought this was it. I thought that the last time I saw my wife's radiant face- was the broken look in her eyes as she recoiled from my harsh words. I thought that was it, Ziyuan. I thought-"