Alive ~BokuAka

You left me once [2]

~Bokuto's POV~

You left me once, and I think I can't handle it when you do this to me twice.

"Three months ago was the last time we saw each other. You told me you got a new job, you needed to move to a new city for it, you needed to leave me. But I understood it, I mean we couldn't live together forever, could we? Nevertheless, I've always wished you could come back, because past few months have been so boring without you by my side.

Back then, when I asked you to live with me after college and you said yes, you really made my heart jump. I think I had never been that happy before, not in my whole life, Akaashi. You agreed so drily and monotonously, but I felt so special and I felt, I felt as if I was on cloud nine. You know, I even hugged you and kissed your cheek back then. I know you were blushing, I saw that slight flush on your cheeks when I surprised you like that. I don't even know if you hear me right know, I only know that you can't answer me, but I wish you could react to my teasing, like you always timidly did, Akaashi," I told the pale figure that was laying on the hospital bed besides me.

I had spent the night at a hotel, in the morning I'd made my way to this hospital. Akaashi's condition was even worse than I'd expected, yet they let me visit him, but only for a short amount of time. I wanted to use the time I could get to bring back some memories we had made together. I could feel it, he would make it, he would get better soon and then he could leave the hospital and everything would go back to normal, just like it had been before.

My hand was touching his cold one lightly. To be honest, his hand felt already lifeless, dead. He looked like a dead body right now, but still he was beautiful, this was still the face I'd admired the most for all those years and he was the boy I wanted to be close to.

And when I was, fate would tear us apart again.

I felt how a single tear ran down my cheek as I whispered, "Akaashi, I need you. I wish I could say you belong to me. Please, come home. Please come back to me and please, please get better soon."

I had to go now. I leaned over to him, closed my eyes and pressed a small kiss on his cool forehead, carefully, of course. It felt like his whole body was frozen.

My lips were warming the skin for a short time, until I pulled away, stood up and left the room. It was Sunday, my only day off. The next time I could visit him again was next week. But to be honest, I missed him already, even though I'd seen him a second ago.

I said goodbye to the doctor and to the nurse, who accompanied me to the room, and they waved to me with a sad smile resting on their lips before they walk into Akaashi's room.

I drove home after that, knowing everything was gonna be fine, he was gonna fine. He needed to be, 'cause I still hadn't had the chance to tell him how much I really liked him yet, neither I had the chance to show him my love.

It was raining again. Without Akaashi it was always raining, it was always dark. It felt like that boy was my sun, he actually was, because he was my everything.

I tried to be positive, but sometimes also I had my doubts. Sometimes there were those situations in my mind, what should I do if he really couldn't make it, if he died?

Shaking those thoughts off, I concentrated on the road again. I didn't even want to think about this option, so I ignored it, pretending it wouldn't be there. But to be honest with me, every night I cried myself to sleep. I was more than just worried.

Instead of sleeping, I prayed to the gods above, I really wanted Akaashi to be with me. I would do anything for him, I would sacrifice my own soul and sell it to the devil if it was needed.

And I couldn't fall asleep because every time my body relaxed, those thoughts of him or just his beautiful face crossed my mind and I started to remember so many situations we were in together.

Like for example when I wanted to bake a birthday cake for him to surprise him, but I was so stupid and couldn't do it, not even after 3 tries. He came home earlier that day from work and just stood there, watching me and how I failed to make a simple cake.

When I noticed him, I tried to cover up with a lie, but of course he comprehended what was happening. At the end he even helped me and it tasted delicious. That evening I was pretty sure I saw him smiling at me. It was one of the best evenings ever.

I teased him, telling him how cute and adorable his smile was, said that he should smile more often or at least let me take a picture, but he just denied it, saying he had no clue what I was talking about. He turned away and quickly and started to clean up the kitchen, as if he could hide the blush which crept on his cheeks when I told him how adorable he was. He definitely couldn't, as much as he wanted to.

But there were also many nights I just thought about him moving out and how we said our last goodbyes. I was hurt, but I couldn't stop him, even if I wanted to. I mean it was necessary, he needed that job and I could understand that he didn't want to look for a new one, besides that, it was pretty difficult, too. He told me we'd keep in touch and I mean we did, but some messages a week just wasn't enough for me. I felt addicted to being near to him.

Yet I had never noticed how much I really wanted to stand right next to him, by his side, until the day came when he had to leave me. And I wonder if he also kind of missed me waking him up every morning, us having dinner together, us watching movies or just the us in general a bit. I wonder if all the feelings I had for him were one sided or if there was a chance he felt like me...