Alive ~BokuAka

It got worse [11]

It got worse. Every day it got a little worse. And I couldn't bare it anymore.

I started to hear people say something when I was alone. Though I knew what was reality and what was fake, it was killing me.

I had to do something, I had to make it stop, so I called the doctor and told him about my worsening condition and he offered me a sooner appointment. I could meet him in one week.

We had one week left, and then everything will go back to normal again and Akaashi didn't need to worry anymore, neither did I.

One whole week. Every single day felt like a week.

Since I saw the pale figure sitting in the corner of my room, Akaashi slept next to me and stayed by my side at night. I told him I could not go through this again, needless to say he, being the empathic person he was, understood me and offered me to stay with me, of course I said yes.

Today it was raining all the time. In the morning, while I was working, when I arrived at home again, it never stopped.

"Bokuto-san, you're home again."

"Yeah, sorry I'm late, I know. You want to eat something?" I asked him. He only shook his head, explaining I didn't need to apologize and he had eaten something already, so he was full. I nodded in response and started cooking something.

"How have you been? I mean at work and today," Akaashi wanted to know, his tone was caring and sweet, calming me down a bit. I was often stressed out after work and he knew that.

Heavy raindrops were pelting against the window, just like back then when...

I couldnt deny it, this weather reminded me of the day of Akaashi's accident. It had been raining, only raining back then, just like it did now. The day had been horrible, just like the dark, cold weather today.

"Fine, I think. I didn't have any hallucinations so far, or no serious ones," I told him. My gaze still lingered on the window as I spoke.

"Good to hear. We have seven days left. Until you see the doctor."

I felt alone again. When Akaashi wasn't with me, there was no one. I didn't sense the warm feeling of another presence anymore. I felt cold, I felt all alone, lonely. One hallucination disappeared, yet everything else I saw made me feel uncomfortable or even scared me. I wish I had visited the doctor sooner, I wish I had done something against it at the beginning. I wish, I wish, I wish. It was too late now, Koutarou.

"Akaashi. Please come with me. I don't want to go there by myself," I wasn't afraid. I just needed his company. Before he could answer something I heard the doorbell ringing.

"Oh, I will go, open it." I stood up.

"Bokuto-san?" He gave me a questioning look, so I explained it to him, "The doorbell. I'll go, open the door."

I knew something was off, his eyes, his look told me.

"No, Bokuto-san, the doorbell didn't ring. Sit down again," he said, placing his hand on my shoulder.

"It didn't?"

He shook his head, telling me it didn't.

Worse. Again it got worse. I couldn't even tell what was another hallucination and what really happened.

"No, Bokuto-san, don't worry. You just came home from work. You're tired. That's the reason it sounded so real to you, they aren't getting worse. You are just tired."

"No, Akaashi, I'm sick. I am sick," I couldn't listen to him anymore. I couldn't hear him out, couldn't believe him. It all went downhill so rapidly fast for me, I knew it would only be a matter of time, until this would happen and until I couldn't tell fantasy and reality apart anymore.

"Akaashi?"

"Yes?"

"Is it raining outside?"

He didn't answer, yet turned his head to the window, looking outside for a bit, until a small whisper left his mouth.

"Yes, it is raining."

After his answer followed my next question.

"Is it dark outside?"

"Yes, Bokuto-san, it is dark outside."

Another question.

"Are two people going for a walk out there," I asked, pointing slightly to the two women who walked at a fast pace, an umbrella shielding them from the rain.

"Yes, two women are walking outside, going down the street quickly."

"Akaashi,"

"Yes?"

"Are you standing there, right in front of me, are you talking to me? Are you real?"

A tear slipped out of the corner of my eye. This all, could it all really be one of my hallucinations? My imagination? Could it be that bad? Could I imagine Akaashi standing here?

No answer came, instead he only looked at me, pitied me. I didn't want to be pitied, but I couldn't say a thing. I waited for him to answer and tell me that he is real, but still, still he didn't open his mouth, so I asked again.

"Please, tell me, Akaashi, are you only one of my hallucinations? Or are you really standing here?"

"..."

"I, I am real, Bokuto-san. I am not one of your hallucinations."

Although his voices was cracking a bit, I knew he told me the truth.

I realized how much my words hurt him. Oh goddamn it, of course they did. How would I feel if he came to me, asking if I was real or if he was just hallucinating.

"I-I am so sorry, Akaashi, this was-"

"Bokuto-san, it's okay. Close your eyes please," he requested. I did so.

I closed my eyes, immediately a felt something cold on my hand, softly caressing the back of it. After that he placed his hand on mine.

"You can feel it, right? You can feel my hand," he whispered, "I am really standing right here, Bokuto-san."

I nodded with a sad smile.

"Your hands are so cold."

"Weren't they always in the wintertime?"

He was right. He had never those typical warming hands that embraced you with a certain warmth. Yet I had never held his hand before. Of course, sometimes mine had been brushing against his, yet I hadn't been able to sense very much back then.

"They were, I guess."

I opened my eyes again and met his gaze, green blue eyes capturing mine.

"Thank you, Akaashi."

A/N
Hey, it's me, the author-chan^^

Don't worry I won't bother you that long, I just wanted to thank you for reading this and I really hope you like the story.

Well I definitely enjoyed writing it haha xD

Okay that's enough now, have a nice day/night <3

^^Cya