Alive ~BokuAka

Stay with me, Akaashi [5]

"Stay with me, Akaashi. We can have a sleepover tonight, it will be fun, we can watch movies all night and-"

I got interrupted, "Bokuto-san, I can't. I don't have any spare clothes with me and I don't have a toothbrush and I-I'm not prepared at all."

Oh Akaashi, I also am not prepared mentally, but the desire to be with you again is too big, suffocating any doubts I have...

"You can have my clothes and I got a toothbrush for you, too. Please Akaashi, please please please," I begged him, jumping around crazily. He sighed while looking at me, there was the small smile from before on his lips again, making me joyfully jump around even more.

"You really worry about me, don't you?"
I only nodded in response. He stared at the ground and gave me soft "fine". Now I was even more excited, and he still didn't dare to look at me. Yet he couldn't fully hide the slight flush on his face because I had noticed it too soon.

Shortly after, we both were sitting on the couch. I had borrowed him a black shirt and white shorts which were too small for me, so it could fit him. It did, well, almost, the shirt was a bit too big but it made him look adorable and tiny, yet I couldn't tell him that because he would only deny it.

"Which movie do you want to watch, 'Kaashi?" I asked him, his face lit up when I mentioned that nickname I had given him when we had shared the apartment. Although he never admitted it, I knew he liked it when I called him that. It was a sign of friendship and of our closeness to each other, I would even go that far to say only best friends give each other nicknames.

"I don't care, but you have something in mind I guess, am I right, Bokuto-san?"

He had always been so formal. Normally others would think this was a sign of distance, but I'd known him for so long, I knew I was special to him.

I didn't think that he liked me in any other ways than good friends did, I didn't think he liked me like I liked him, and I also didn't think he had ever thought of me differently, but I did think that he cared about our friendship as much as I did.

I cared, no, we both had cared for each other a lot before he moved out and only texts and messages connected our souls. And well, some feelings never disappeared and some feelings stayed one sided, but all the time I never hoped for more, I just wanted him to be with me and I didn't care how he liked me and wether it was different from how I liked him. In the end all that mattered was that he liked me at all and that he knew he could count on me anytime, he could trust me and I was there for him.

And I just wanted to be by his side. That never changed through all the time.

It had been like that in high school, in college, after college, and it didn't stop. The first time I saw him I just wondered how much it would take to impress him, soon that challenge was more than just a goal I wanted to reach one time in my life. This boy just couldn't leave my mind and I had to realize that I felt like I could fly when he set the ball for me.

I think the first time he tossed me the ball was the first time I really loved volleyball. Of course it felt great just being good at something and everybody liking you and encouraging you and you being the ace, everyone wanting to see you making the points for your team. But nothing, and I really mean nothing, felt as good as being complimented by Akaashi.

Or when he just shouted his "Bokuto-san" before tossing me the ball, it made me feel marvelous.

"Bokuto-san? Bokuto-san? Are you still with me?" The younger one interrupted my thoughts. Shit, I forgot to answer his question, so I apologized quickly, telling him I was so deep in thought and I let my mind wander.

"Uhm, so I thought about a horror movie, how about Terrifier or Dead Silence? What do you think about it?"

Just like in good old times I used some horror movies to be scared, thus I had an excuse to snuggle up to him and feel his warmth. He wouldn't say no, he never did. And sometimes he himself was so scared, he grabbed my hand or hid behind my shoulder. I loved those moments, so I really wanted to do this again and to hug him like that again.

"But you have always been scared of horror movies, sometimes you were holding my hand after 5 minutes already..."

Yeah. No. Actually I had never been that scared, it was just that when I saw my chance, I used it.  And sometimes I really couldn't wait any longer.

I had never thought that a horror movie was too terrifying, neither had I been that scared of it. Sometimes horror movies were even boring to me. Nevertheless I pretended to be scared, well, when Akaashi was around of course. I mean, there was no reason for me to be that close to him when I wasn't afraid or something like that, was there?

"Yeah, nonetheless they are exciting and I know you kinda like those, so, I won't have a problem with it as long as you save me from the evil clowns and stuff," I muttered the last part, looking to the ground. My plan was already working. I'm sorry I lied to you, Akaashi, but I'm quite sure you also lied to me once or twice in your life.

"Of course I will, I-I mean nothing can harm you, those monsters aren't even real, Bokuto-san."

And with that I started the film called Terrifier. And I really wasn't afraid, not even a little bit because I had watched it so many times before. Howbeit, Akaashi was. Needless to say I wrapped my arms around him as soon as a jump scare made him startle, and needless to say I acted as if they would also give me a shock. But to be honest, I didn't even pay attention to the film. I only looked at Akaashi in my arms, and I studied his features. Not gonna lie, my friend was more interesting than the horror movie, he was more interesting than anything else right now.

"Oh my," another scary moment made him jolt forward, "Bokuto-san, aren't you scared?"

"I-I mean no? Eh yes? Sometimes, yeah sometimes I really am scared."

Great, Koutarou. Stuttering. Great answer. Why the hell did I have to stutter? And babble this nonsense?

"Woah, you really changed a lot within 3 months. I thought the movie would scare you to death and now, now it looks like I am the one who is scared to death."

"So now it's my turn to say I save you from the bad monsters? Because I will, 'Kaashi."
I started laughing, hugging him tighter and my hands were caressing his back. This moment was so sweet, just like the way he hid his head in my chest after I said what I said. Akaashi still didn't know what he's doing to me, he still had no clue. But I would need to tell him soon, I made that promise to myself after I visited him, in the hospital. If I would get my second chance, then I'd tell him how I really felt about him. And even though this may risk our friendship, a promise still was a promise.