Should've Never Said It Back

chapter 15

au// ok besties this is gonna be lokey long it's the last chapter :(( this has been so amazing and i will have an epilogue but it's still the end technically and it's sad.

tw

10. 

20. 

30.

40 slick movements of the razor, moving back and forth across a scarred wrist. It didn't even hurt. As blood pricked at the tip of the knife, staining it red, Sapnap's dark eyes stared hard. It was deep and colorful, and it made him feel alive. The blood dripped down to his fingers, red and chapped. 

push harder.

he gritted his teeth, the pain was aching but felt good for once. 

50.

come on, you bitch, you can take more. 

could he? Could Sapnap flick the blade across his wrist more and more? He could end it all right now. There was power in his hands, his life was a simple decision at this point. 

His knuckles went white as he gripped the blade tighter, pushing the knife as hard as he could. He just wanted the pain gone, and he felt it slowly drift away with his blood.

60. 

A knock on the bathroom door made him jump, the knife hitting the floor with a loud clang. "shit." his eyes flickered from his red stained arm and fingertips to the door. If Karl came in now, everything would be ruined. 

"I have to pee, can you unlock this? Also what was that noise?" Karls soft voice came from the other side, the door handle jiggling. 

"Ah- um not right now! I'm fixing the sink!" Sapnap lied through his teeth, turning on the water and washing his hands and wrists. 

that's right, don't let karl see the real side of the failure he's engaged to.

"Sap, your voice is shaking. Are you okay?" Sapnap shut his eyes, the water burning the cuts.

"Yes, I'm perfectly fine! Please, just don't worry. I'm okay, Karl." Sapnap picked up the razor, cleaning it harshly. He was silently begging Karl didn't have a key. He grabbed a bandage, covering the deep gashes in his arms, and pulling over a hoodie. He was about to walk to the door when Karl bust in, a key in the doorknob, his eyes wide with fear. Karl walked over to Sapnap, his breath shaking softly. He put a hand to sapnap's cheek, caressing it gently. "Why are you crying, angel?" Sapnaps tongue felt numb, he was lost of words. He could've told the truth, could've gotten help. But he let another lie slip, "I dropped something on my toe." Karl bit his lip softly, but softened his gaze. 

"Alright, that's ok. I hope you're better now. Do you want to try on your suit for the wedding?" Karl brightly asked, and Sapnap nodded, his face showing happiness, but Sapnap felt bitter. Lies were becoming more often, he would have to tell karl soon. Maybe. 

what a fucking horrible fiancé you are, you can't even tell the truth.

Sapnap pushed the thoughts away, slowly walking with Karl hand in hand, over to the closet.