Chapter 36
I tried reaching for Troy but he's not answering his phone. I badly want to talk to him pero paano ko magagawa kung hindi ko naman siya ma-contact? Ang sabi naman ni Faith he contacts her. Bakit ako, hindi?
I tried dialing for his number again and this time it rang. "Troy!" I almost shouted when he answered the call.
"Hi, Hope," it was a woman's voice. Hindi agad ako nakapagsalita. I couldn't recognize the voice. "It's Tracy," she added after a long silence. I sighed in relief.
"Ate Tracy..."
"I heard about what happened," she mumbled. "Troy was doing a lot of things kaya siguro napagod. He's asleep right now. He was restless, but I believe he'll be fine," she grumbled. "How are you?" There was gentleness in her voice, like she was trying to comfort me.
"I'm trying to be okay," I managed to say. It was followed by a deep sigh and she probably heard it because she also took a deep one.
"I'm so sorry about what happened," she murmured. "If I haven't seen him this stressed, I wouldn't know, you know. And he has no one to talk to about it. His friends don't know anything. Kung hindi ko siya nakitang ganito ka-frustrated, he wouldn't tell me na ganito na pala ang nangyayari."
"I'm sorry," I almost whispered.
"You don't have to say sorry, Hope. All you have to do is to remain brave, okay? This will pass. And... don't open your social media, okay? Troy's already doing his best to have those posts deleted."
Everybody's telling me not to go online, not to check those posts. But the more they tell me not to, the more I wanted to check. Pinipigilan ko lang ang sarili ko.
"Thank you..." I mumbled.
"You're- Oh, you're awake," she murmured. Napaayos ako ng upo thinking it could be Troy. "Yeah, it's Hope."
May kaluskos akong narinig from the other line. I thought he's gonna talk to me but the call ended. I never got the chance to hear his voice.
That night, I cried myself to sleep because that's all I could do at that moment. Like him, I also feel restless. And also helpless.
•●•
My sisters didn't let me drive to school and asked Lio to drive for us instead. They said they will accompany me to my classroom but the moment we step out of the car ay parehong tinawag sina Faith and Love ng mga kasama nila. They need to do some acad stuff so I let them go. Andito naman si Lio. Clarisse is not here yet because she said she got her period and is suffering from cramps. Sometimes when she has dysmenorrhea, hindi niya kayang maglakad kaya kailangan niyang um-absent and I totally understand that.
Sabay kami ni Lio na naglakad papunta sa classroom. He even put his arm around my shoulder to make me feel like he's really protecting me and I totally appreciate it.
"Lio!" Someone called. Nang lumingon kami ay nakita namin iyong isang kasama niya sa org. "Meeting daw sabi ni Pres. Bilis! Umuusok na ilong 'non!"
"Hindi ko alam na may meeting," Lio said. He looked at me.
"It's okay. Go ahead. I can go to the classroom alone," I replied.
"Pero-"
"Sige na, Lio. I'll be okay," I said. Ilang segundo pa siyang nagpumilit but I was able to convince him to go. So I'm currently walking alone now going to the classroom.
I tried to walk with my chin up but I always end up looking down because of the people who are staring at me. But I have to continue walking.
"Miss Rivera." Agad akong napatigil nang marinig ang boses ni Ma'am Janette. Wala pa man siyang sinasabi pero parang alam ko na kung anong kailangan niya sa akin.
I slowly turn my back to face her. She was just standing there looking at me with her neutral expression. "I need to talk to you," she said. Gusto kong humindi pero hindi ko alam kung bakit ako tumango. And then I just found myself inside her empty office.
"I know there's something going on with you and Troy," she began. I knew from the start this is what she'll gonna talk about. "I don't want to meddle with whatever relationship you two have. But I can't help it, Miss Rivera. This is affecting Troy's career big time. Kalat na kalat na sa buong school. It's just a matter of time before this reaches the Dean, or worst, the Chancellor. I know you know what the consequences are. You're smart, so I believe you know what's going to happen if they found out that the rumor is true. You might get kicked out, and Troy might lose his job. Now, I just want to ask you something."
Tingin lang ang kaya kong gawin ngayon. I couldn't even say a word. I feel like if I try to say a thing, it will just trigger the tears I was holding back since earlier.
"Do you want Troy to lose his job?" She asked. I didn't reply. "Do you want to get kicked out of the University? Do you want to throw away the years you've spent studying here?"
Alam ko naman na 'yon. I was well aware of what's going to happen. We were aware of it. Pero hindi namin inisip because we love each other. We were careful. We made sure of it.
"I know it's hard to break off something as amazing as you what you two have. But just think about it, Hope, think about the consequences. You don't want to be labeled as a slut for seducing your instructor."
"Slut?"
"They were already calling you a lot of names, Hope. And I'm telling you this is not going to stop if you won't break it off."
I was never called a slut. I am not that kind of person. Am I a slut for loving Troy?
I didn't realize I was already crying. Nang maramdamang basa na ang pisngi ko ay mabilis ko iyong pinunasan.
I am not a slut.
"I know you mean well, Ma'am Janette. But let me, let us handle this."
"Of course," she mumbled. "I just want to remind you of the consequences in case you forgot." She walked towards the door and opened it for me. "I hope you do the right thing, Hope."
Saglit ko lang siyang tinitigan. And then I wiped my tears off my face. Alam kong maga na ang mga mata ko and there's no way I'm gonna go to class with these eyes. Kaya nagmadali ako sa paglabas and headed somewhere.
I just need a place where I can think. And where I can freely cry.
