Our Deep End | ✔️

CHAPTER 39

AUTHOR'S NOTE
Hi! I'm gonna upload three chapters today because they are short. I hope you enjoy, let me know what you think!

Elle's POV
The cold winter wind stings my cheeks as I practically run back to my car. I can hardly catch my breath as I slide into the driver's seat.

There's a pulsing ache in my chest. I can't believe that just happened. For some reason my brain is refusing to process that Christian and I are over.

It's over.

A stream of tears erupt as I recall everything we've been through these past months. It hasn't been that long, but it feels like I've been in love with him for years. I was just starting to grasp the fact that I'm in my dream relationship. I was just getting used to the simple way "I love you's" rolled off his tongue. And now it's all over.

I've been down this road before and the idea that I'm back at square one makes me sick. I recall how terribly I felt after Hunter and I broke up, and I physically don't have it in me to battle those emotions a second time. Hell, I barely made it through the first time. The main reason I survived was because he was there for me.

"Fuck..." I whisper under my breath and clench the steering wheel as I begin to sob. This isn't fair. I've tried my hardest to be there for Christian and this is how he repays me? I don't deserve that. Especially from someone who claims to have loved me more than anything. Suddenly that seems very questionable.

My feelings of sadness are soon met with anger as I struggle to comprehend what's so important that he has to go behind my back and hide. And on top of that, Micah's the one he can trust? That's fucking ridiculous.

Riding off an impulse, I pull out my phone and block Christians number, as well as all his social media. He made his choice, so if we're doing this, I need a clean sweep. No stalking his socials, or waiting for him to call. He chose this ending, so I'm gonna embrace it.

I can't lie and say that part of me isn't doing this because I know it'll hurt him. I want to hurt him. I want him to feel this loss and realize he made a mistake. A big fucking mistake.

I stay parked until I'm finished crying. Once I've calmed down a bit I pull off from Christian's block and head home.

The ride back felt longer than usual. I kept the radio off, and instead listened to the sound of trees swaying in the wind. I have a lot to process, but one thing is for certain. This isn't the end of the world. It feels like it, but it's not and I will try my hardest not to let it bring me down.

***

The rest of my weekend was surprisingly not terrible. I mean granted, as soon as I got home Friday evening I cried my eyes out. I thought I had my feelings under control until I came across the Columbia sweatshirt he gifted me for Christmas, and I broke apart. In that moment I realized how difficult it's going to be for a clean slate.

Since we reunited, we've done everything together. Mornings we drive to school together, and lounge around all afternoon when we return. We've managed to completely integrate our interests, swapping our favorite books, movies and shows while growing to like them together. I've never been in such an intimate relationship.

Realistically it will take time to fully heal from this loss. The thing is...I don't have time. I have a future to prepare for. That future leaves no room for heartbreak. So instead of moping around like my body urged, I kept busy. I ran errands all weekend, not even allowing myself to process my sadness. Was this particularly healthy? No. But it worked for me.

Unfortunately there's no avoiding Monday's. After three days, I'm going to have to face Christian. As I take my usual morning shower before school I let the hot water calm my tense body, secretly wishing my anxiety could just evaporate with the steam. This is the longest I've gone without speaking to Christian since he came back, and I have no clue how I'll react when I see him. I wouldn't know if he's tried texting or calling because I still have him blocked.