Our Deep End | ✔️

CHAPTER 44

Christian's POV

"She's so damn infuriating." I grumble, aggressively shoving various wrappers and junk into a trash bag. I have finally cleaned up most of my house...or at least the parts that I trashed terribly.

"But I love her so damn much."

I got home from school a few hours ago, and decided that it was finally time to do something about the huge mess I made. For one, I was almost unable to enter my house because the sofa I flipped over blocked the door. And two, the stunned look on Elle's face after my asshole behavior is etched in my brain and now I have to keep myself busy so I don't dwell. The shock and disappointment I saw in her eyes was unsettling to the highest degree. Don't even get me started on the way her lip began to quiver, as she fidgeted with the bracelet on her wrist. Classic signs that she was trying her hardest not to cry.

I'm ashamed that I even recognize those signs so clearly. I've made her cry too many times.

"Hold on, I'm confused." I hear Micah state through my wireless earbuds. "I thought you're the one who fucked up?"

"I am." I reply, taking a seat on the sofa that I've restored to its proper state. "But I can't believe she would accuse me of already sleeping with someone else."

As soon as I got home, I called Micah. There was too much on my mind, and I can't say I've made too many friends at Wilburton. Acquaintances? Yes. Confidants? Nah.

"Christian." Micah says sternly. "Why are you acting like that's the most outrageous assumption?"

"Because it is. Have I not proved myself to her?"

Things didn't end up the best between us, but if I gave one thing during our time together, It was effort. I always tried to be the man she deserved. I tried to keep her happy. I tried to let her know how I felt about her.

"I'm not saying you didn't...just put yourself in her shoes."

I've heard that advice a lot lately.

"Well, If she didn't hate me before she surely does after today."

"Why do you say that?"

"Because..." I sigh, remembering the irritation I felt in that moment "I may or may not have insinuated that she doesn't actually love me and only used me to get over her ex."

My mind was clouded by anger from her crazy accusations, and by the way I deeply missed her. I only suggested we be friends because if I can't have her romantically, I'll take any other way I can. I just need to be around her.

"Do you actually believe that?"

"Hell no." I am quick to scoff. If I actually found truth in the idea that I was nothing more than a phase to Elle, it would have killed me long ago.

I know she loves me. It's clear in the softness of her voice when we speak. Or the way she will study me carefully, under the assumption that I don't realize and just smile. Her eyes are always filled with love for me...even while her fists are balled and her cheeks are red in anger.

"So then why did you say it?" Micah queried, although I have a feeling she already knows the answer.

"Because she pissed me off," I stood up from the couch, and finally addressed the other side of the living room which was still somewhat trashed. The bookshelf I took so much pride in assembling was split apart and missing shelves.

"I was mad that she rejected me. And the sight of her acting all chummy with some random jackass didn't help either."

With everything that happened, the only thing I'm actively trying to do is refrain from thinking about Elle and that guy. I made a comment, a fucking stupid comment saying that he can have her which I regretted instantly. I'll be fucking damned...the thought alone sends me into a panic.