Our Deep End | ✔️

CHAPTER 40

Elle's POV
My hands are shaky, and a bit sweaty as I enter my first period calc class. I'm still a tad heated from my conversation with Xavier. I hate all kinds of arguments but there's a lingering thrill flowing in my veins after telling him off. Feels much better than the heavy heart I've been dragging along all morning. Unfortunately my feelings of relief are short lived as I eye Christian's empty seat.

I quickly take a seat in the back of the classroom, and my heart sinks when Mr. Vacelli enters and shuts the door behind him. Christian isn't here, and it doesn't look like he's coming. For a moment I disregard everything that happened between us and contemplate unblocking him, and sending him a text. He already missed school on Friday, so I'm surprised he isn't here. Feelings of worry stir in my stomach. What if something is wrong?

It's not any of your concern, an annoying voice in the back of my head reminds me. In spite of what happened between us, it will always be my concern. At least as long as I love him this much.

I am unable to focus on the lesson, because I'm too busy watching the door, just waiting for Christian to walk in. I already know he's not coming, but I still fantasize about him showing up in the middle of class, with an excused late slip from his college counselor because they had an early appointment. Or, shuffling in with his brown hair all messed up because he overslept. I just want to see him. That's terrible to admit, but it's the truth. I was looking forward to seeing him, even if it's just a glance from opposite ends of the hallway.

Class eventually wraps up, and I try my hardest to not look as upset as I feel on the inside.

On my way to my next class, I spot Camila at her locker.

"Hey!" I quickly approach her, as she pulls a book out. I feel immediate comfort as she closes her locker and shoots me a warm smile. I didn't explain all the details, but she knows that Christian and I aren't together anymore.

"Hey." She replies softly. "How are you feeling?"

There's a look of pity on her face. I can tell she's trying to proceed with caution. I take a deep breath, and involuntarily pick at my nail beds.

"I don't know." I murmur, concentrating on the skin around my nails beginning to redden as I pluck. "But I do know I'll be okay."

Camila squeezes my shoulder, before resting her head on it. "You're right, you will be."

I'd like to believe that. I really would.

"Yeah..."

"Oh, I forgot to ask you!" She lifts her head off my shoulder. "I see that you've met Xavier."

There's a tone of disgust in her voice.

"Unfortunately." I roll my eyes, remembering our encounter.

"We have marine biology together. He's a complete asshole."

Tell me about it.

"Asshole is an understatement." I scoff, gently playing with a charm on my bracelet. At least I don't have to worry about him anymore.

"He's kinda hot though." She admits almost as if she's ashamed. "The annoying ones always are."

I chuckle. Despite his hard demeanor, I guess one can say that Xavier is attractive. Between his sharp jawline and muscles I definitely see it.

"You should lower your voice. Your boyfriend might hear." I emphasize the third to last word.

Camila cringes, before biting her lip nervously. "Let's not talk about that."

"Mhmm." I raise both my brows, as the cringe doesn't leave her face. I know better than to pry. Clearly her and Matt are in a difficult space right now.

"Anyway, I have economics now. I'll catch you later." Camila promises, with one last hug goodbye.

On the way to my next class, I can't help but frantically search the hallway for any signs of Christian. This pattern continues up until my very last class of the day.

By the time school is over, I feel absolutely pathetic. I'm unable to suppress the ongoing ache I felt since things ended.

It's over, My mind tells me over and over again but I simply cannot process the fact that I must learn to be without him. I must try to forget the feeling of warmth that floods my body when his lips meet mine. Or his genuine thoughtfulness. I'd have to learn to forget his contagious smile and boisterous humor. I have to...but I can't.

As the final bell rings, concluding the day, I don't hesitate to rush to my locker and gather my belongings. I don't know what I expected from today, but I'm just glad I survived. I can't bring myself to throw away the photos of us displayed on my locker door. Not yet. Baby steps.

After grabbing everything I need, I begin to make my way to the parking lot.

I'm barely halfway towards the exit when I hear someone from behind me.

"Ayo, princess!" The voice calls out. A deep voice.

Because I recognized the person behind this act, I find it easier to just act like I didn't hear them.

The voice calls out to me once more.

"Princess! Elle!"

The sound of accelerated steps against the hallway tile ring in my ears, as that person tries to catch up with me. I take a deep breath, allowing the fresh intake of oxygen to brace myself before I turn around.

"What do you want, Xavier?"

I knew it was him before I even looked.

There was a long, black skateboard clutched underneath his right arm, and I notice that his hand is wrapped in plastic, and stained with ink. Likely the result of a new tattoo.

"It's nice to see you too." He retorts sarcastically. "I appreciate the warmth."

I don't have time for this. Especially not after he disrespected me this morning. If he's looking to have another piss off, he came to the wrong place.

"Okay." I state firmly, before turning my back once more, ready to resume my walk.

Upon doing so, a pair of hands catch me off guard as they land on my waist. I'm spun around shortly after, and I release a gasp of shock.

Xavier and I are face to face once more.

"So you're just gonna walk away from me when I'm speaking to you?" He raises an eyebrow, not letting me out of his grip. There's clear aggression in his voice, but not enough to phase me. In fact, I'm not phased at all.

I don't hesitate to pinch the surface of both his hands causing him to cringe in pain, releasing me instantly.

"Ouch. Damn, what was that for?" He winced, while sucking in a sharp breath.

I ignore his question. "I walked away because you weren't saying anything special. I thought you didn't need me?"

Despite this somewhat harsh exchange, there's still a look of humor on his face.

"I don't." He shrugs. "But I'll accept your help."

I almost want to laugh. The fact that he assumes that offer is still on the table is both amusing and infuriating.

It's not like you have anything better to do, I remind myself. It's not like I'll be coming home with Christian. Come to think of it, this will be my first evening without him.

A pang of sadness strikes me, as I think about the loneliness I'm bound to feel. I can't lie to myself. Christian hasn't left my mind. I have spent almost every second since last Friday trying to come to terms with the massive loss. Trying to tell myself that things will never be the same. Trying to forget my love for this man, yet desperately trying to remember his soft embrace all at once. It's a lot. More than a lot. So much that my next words to Xavier don't surprise me.

"Okay. We can meet at my place?"

A/N
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