Rediscovering Reality

It Will Always Feel That Way A Little Bit.

The funeral was held a few days later. He was buried quickly and without press attention. He hated reporters. 

A few friends gathered at his grave side. But the mourning felt empty, as if he had already been gone for awhile. 

It had felt like that though. Goyle hadn't really been himself since his fifth year. He was but a shell of a person by the time the war ended. 

Still it felt as though he could have been spared. But maybe in a messed up sort of way he felt he was sparing himself. Little did he know the pain he was leaving behind. 

Just as quickly as the whole mourning affair started the group tried to move on. Leaving their separate ways back out into the world. Ignoring the slight fire of sadness and rage that had sparked yet again inside of them.

It is so easy to be mad at someone for doing something wrong, but it is so much harder to be mad when there is no one left to be blame. 

---

"Harry- I can't." Hermione spoke softly to the man standing on the other side of the drawing room. 

"Yes you could! Come on... their your parents." Harry had spent the better part of an hour trying to convince Hermione Mariella that she should visit her parent's graves as they approached Christmas. 

"I just don't think i can see them yet." She whispered to herself more than her friends. She had been dreading the moment she would have to see their graves for months. And in all honesty she had been avoiding them. 

"Mione... you need.... closure," He walked over and sat down next to his friend, "Just like you told me that i needed." She remembered the conversation. 

Telling Harry that he should see where his parents were buried for closure and comfort. But she didn't want to see them. Something about it.... would make it real all over again. 

And she wasn't ready to admit that they were gone. Not completely. 

It would crush her all over again. She didn't want to deal with being crushed around Christmas. No she wanted to ignore the empty feeling in her chest she got when she realized she would never eat her mother's Christmas biscuits again. She wanted to ignore that she would never hear her father sing Christmas carols off tune ever again- she wanted to ignore it all. Just for a little while longer. 

"Ron... he says he's worried." Harry spoke softly, as if he was worried she would sprint at the sound of someone being worried for her. 

"Tell him not to be. I'm fine." Hermione stood suddenly and brushed off invisible dirt from her skirt. 

"Mione- you've got to let them go." Harry shot as his friend turned his back on him. 

"You don't think i know that?!" Hermione felt her world shattering around her, she was trying her best to ignore what was going on but she couldn't do it for much longer if Harry kept pushing it right in front of her face. 

"Mione-" 

"No!" Something inside of her was breaking apart, shooting pieces of heart break like shrapnel, "You don't think i know?! Harry i know! I know I've got to let them go.....but they let go of me a long time ago. They didn't even realize that they had a daughter when they died!! I spent a whole summer searching for them and they died just before i found them. God- Harry do you not think i know that i need to let go of them? I don't have anything to hold onto anymore. Even their memories are starting to slip away from my mind." She felt her heart lurch in her chest, "They died after the war, but they were gone the moment i said Obliviate. I lost them, and i did it to myself. SO YES. I KNOW. I KNOW i have to let them go!"

Her knees felt weak as she shoved her finger into her best friends chest. 

"Hermione." He said more softly this time. 

Hermione's face felt hot with anger and anguish. Red hot tears streamed down her face now. 

"They died in a car crash...." She whispered angrily across the space between the pair, "So why does it feel like the war took them...." 

She dropped to her knees and was only caught gently by her best friend. 

"Why does it feel like it took them too.... just like everyone else?" Tears were streaming down her cheeks, flushed with rage and longing. 

"I suppose....." Harry began, but paused, he was always terrible with words, "I suppose it will always feel that way a little bit." 

"I don't want it to feel that way." She sniffled into her friends her friends shirt. 

"I know.... I know." And the pair stayed like that for awhile. 

Angry at the world, wishing for a childhood innocence that they would never get back. That's the terrible thing about the world. 

You can't just get things back because you miss them.

Even, and especially, when they were taken from you unfairly. 

Authors Note

Short Chapter This Time Guys, 

we're drawing close to the end, everyone emotionally prepared? 

Okay i hope you are because it's gonna be a big heart wrenching ride. <3

Also i would like to know what you guys think about a sequel? Yes? No? 

Love you guys