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Meihua nervously fiddled with her fingers, running a hand through her hair to conceal the shaking. It was just a few hours before the mission properly began and she could barely contain her anxiety.
She knocked on the glass of the car. When it opened, she stepped inside and sat on the passenger's seat.
For a second, she didn't say anything. Just awed at the person in the driver's seat.
"You dyed your hair..." She observed. "As did you..." He observed.
There was a few beats of silence in which they silently looked at once another, "You know, jun, the pink really suits you." The regular ink black was replaced with almost a cotton candy shade of pink, like flamingo feathers or faded rose petals. It looked sweet, it was a weird thought, but his hair looked amiable. "Thank you." He smiled, fixing the strands that had gone stray.
She suddenly felt a little self conscious. Not just because her nervousness was making her unable to be a little less awkward, but because she regretted dying her hair just a little bit. She always used to tell herself that she would never damage her hair like that and that it wouldn't suit her anyway. Now it was sinking in that maybe it didn't suit her.
But her mind was feeling nice, It does suit you, sunshine, it told her. Wait.
Why did her thoughts call her sunshine? Did she think about Renjun that much? So much so that her own thoughts would call her the nickname that Renjun had called her for ages?
Just then, something clicked.
"Oh my God- Renjun, you know how you said that the programme that kept all my memories from disappearing needed to be constantly monitored. Mark was never in charge of that, was he?" "What do you mean, sunshine?-"
"Huang Renjun, don't act as if you're stupid. You know exactly what I mean. Mark was never the one monitoring that. It was you. You had control over my thoughts. God, I'm such a fool. All the times I wanted to ask questions, all the times I doubted whether I could stand staying in that cramped base with you, you made me think something else. Anything I thought that would pose as a threat to you if voice, you made it disappear. That means you could see anything I thought about..."
Renjun looked caught, he was guilty. He knew a day like this would come - although he had always hoped against it.
"So you could see how much I loved you and cared for you yet you still did this? I told you multiple times that I just wanted to be able to think for my fucking self, that I don't want to be influenced by anything or anyone else. Yet you continued to act as if I'm just a plane that you're steering."
"Mei, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that-" "No, you fucking shouldn't have! It's a wonder how you always realise shit like this when you get caught. There's literally no amount of apologetic bullshit that you could blabber that would fix this."
"Sunshine, please, listen-" "No, fuck you and whatever you have to say. Why should I listen to you? Tell me, when have you ever once listened to me? When have you ever?" "I just wanted to help you-"
"You know what, I would've rather lost my memories. If you're so lonely then just say so, Huang Renjun, you son of a bitch. Don't make me your tool to help your ego just because you can't handle no one loving you."
"Mei, I'm serious, don't you dare fucking leave-" "And what if I do? What are you going to do? Control my legs to walk back? I hate you, Huang Renjun, I hate you."
She didn't want him to see her crying about this, that would just let him think that he had won. He didn't win. Nobody won.
But she wouldn't show that she had lost too, so she exited the car and ran, not caring for where she was going.
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the difference between chpt 38 and 48 is actually a little scary ngl but
