ᵗʰʳᵉᵉ 𝐑𝐄𝐁𝐔𝐑𝐍𝐄𝐃 ⁿᵉʷᵗᵐᵃˢ (ᶜᵒᵐᵖˡᵉᵗᵉᵈ)

The First Cut Is The Deepest

NEWT POV

I walk with Olivia, not able to take my eyes off Thomas. My legs feel like they're made of lead. I need him to forgive me. He has to. Olivia removes her arm from my waist.

"I'm going to talk to Thomas." She says and walks off.

What if I lose her to Thomas? What if she doesn't like me anymore? What if-

"Newt?" It's Minho.

"Hey, Minho." I say glumly.

"Geez, you look awful." He says.

I don't say anything.

"No snide comment?" Minho asks.

I look at him. He looks back at me, concerned. 

"Seriously dude, are you okay?" He asks.

"No, Minho, I'm not." I say.

"Wow," He says. "You were honest."

"Shut up." I say sharply. 

"Hey, don't snap at me!" He says. "I'm just trying to help."

"Just leave me alone." I say and he walks away. 

I start to isolate myself. I don't talk to anyone anymore, not even Olivia. I walk about 10 yards behind everyone else, not bothering to catch up. When we stop, I just lay town and pretend I'm asleep. I can't talk to anyone anymore. 

Until one night, Thomas walks up to me. 

"Newt," He says. "I know you're awake."

"What do you want, Thomas?" I ask. 

I can see his heart break in his eyes. "I'm so sorry." He says, his voice wet. "I shouldn't have broken up with you. I was stupid. Olivia showed me that."

"Yeah, you were." I say dully. "But I was a jerk. I don't deserve you." 

"Newt, yes you do." He says. "You deserve so much better than me. But I need you."

I sit up and look at him. "Do you still love me?" I ask. 

"I won't ever be able to stop loving you." He says. "Never."

I look at him, tears welling in my eyes. "I love you too, Tommy."

He hugs me and I hug him back. 

"I'm so so sorry." Thomas whispers in my ear. 

"I know." I whisper back. "I'm sorry too."

Then, he kisses me but it isn't like our other kisses. It has a sadness in it; a kind I've never felt. Like we're drifting apart and the kiss is trying to bring us back together. 

I pull away and look at him. My heart aches but I don't know why. He's back. I have Tommy back. So why am I hurting?

A tear falls out of my eye. I didn't mean it to happen. But it knocks loose all of my other tears and before I know it, I'm crying into his shoulder. 

"Hey, what's wrong?" He asks, putting a hand in my hair.

I don't respond, tears still falling from my eyes.

"Newt, what's wrong?" He says.

I just cry harder. I don't even really know what's wrong. It's like all my pent up emotions just came spilling out. Everything I've felt since Chuck died; since I had to be strong. I can't stop crying.

I take my head out of Thomas's shoulder and start to cough. "I'm s-sorry." I sob. "I'm so sorry. I don't even k-know why I'm crying." 

Thomas brushes away my tears and takes my face in his hands. "It's alright, okay? I promise I'll never leave again."

That only makes me cry harder. "I don't know what's wrong with me!" I cry. "I'm not supposed to cry. I'm supposed to keep it together, be the sane one, the okay one."

Thomas shakes his head. "No. No, you don't have to."

I hug him again. "But I do." I say, silent sobs making me shake. "I do have to."

Thomas wraps his arms around me. "Everyone falls apart sometimes." 

"But I shouldn't." I say, unable to stop the tears. "I shouldn't. I should be able to not fall apart. I should be able to be strong."

Thomas pulls away and looks at me. "No." He says. "Jesus, you look exhausted."

"I don't really sleep anymore." I say. 

He sighs. "Come here."

I do and he makes me lay my head in his lap, like we used to do.

"Go to sleep, please." He says. "You look so tired."

The tears have finally stopped and I just lay there. I look up at him. 

"What is it?" He asks. 

"N-nothing." I say. "Nothing at all. I just missed you."

"I missed you too." He says.

He leans over and kisses me gently. 

"Now, please, go to sleep." He says. 

And I do. I fall asleep.

A/N: It's short, I'm sorry, but I didn't do anything evil! Yay! Sorry I haven't posted until now. #writersblock