ᵗʰʳᵉᵉ 𝐑𝐄𝐁𝐔𝐑𝐍𝐄𝐃 ⁿᵉʷᵗᵐᵃˢ (ᶜᵒᵐᵖˡᵉᵗᵉᵈ)

Put On A Happy Face

NEWT POV

I have Thomas back but it feels different, like there's a weird distance between us and neither of us can figure out exactly how to cross it. 

As we walk, he threads an arm around my waist. "Newt, we need to talk."

"No," I say even though he's right. 

"You can't just say no." He says. "We do need to talk."

I move out of his arm. "We're almost there. Let's just be normal until we get there."

"Newt, we don't even know where there is!" Thomas hisses. 

"I don't care." I say. 

"We do need to talk, Newt." Thomas says.

"No." I say bitterly. "We don't."

Thomas looks at me. "What is wrong?" He asks. "Please. Tell me. Because this..." He gestures between us. "I can't keep doing this."

"Nothing is wrong." I say.

"That is a lie." Thomas says. "Normally, I let you hide it, because that's just what you do, but no. Not this time. I need you to tell me because this doesn't just affect you anymore." 

I look at him. "I can't talk to you, Thomas. Not anymore."

"Why?" He asks, his eyes full of hurt. "Why?"

"Because you did this to me!" I yell. "You did this! I just need to get past it! I can't talk about it because that brings it back! That brings everything rushing back! So please, I can't talk to you, Thomas, I can't. I just can't."

Thomas looks at me, his face saying everything he's not. "So, what? You're just never going to talk to me again?"

"Not about this." I say. 

He nods and clicks his tongue on the roof of his mouth. "Okay. Okay, fine."

"What happened to us, Thomas?" I whisper, my heart breaking a little bit.

"I don't know." He says. 

"What if we just ignore it?" I ask. "What if we just pretend like everything is normal and then it will be?" Our eyes meet. "Please?"

"We can't do that forever." He says. 

"But for now." I say. "I need you. I need things to be normal for a bit."

"Fine." He says. "Fine. But we do need to talk."

I sigh, relieved. He pulls me against him and replaces his arm around my waist. All I want to do is kiss him, but I can't. I can't risk losing what I just got back. 

Soon, we stop for the night. 

"One more day!" Olivia says gleefully. 

I nod, stony-faced. Thomas notices. 

"Newt?" He says. "Newt, what's wrong?"

I don't respond. I'm worried if I open my mouth I'll start to cry. 

"Newt, talk to me please." Thomas says. 

He puts his hand on my back. 

"I can't." I mutter. A stray tear falls down my face. "Shit."

Thomas puts a hand on my cheek and turns my face to his. "Talk. To. Me."

I let out a strangled sob. I can't help it. I can't keep it in anymore. Thomas pulls me against him.

"Newt, you have to tell me what's wrong." He says. "You have to. I hate watching you hurt."

"I'm sorry." I whisper. "I'll try better to keep it inside."

"No." Thomas says. "No, that's not at all what I meant." 

I pull away, wiping at the tears that won't stop coming. "I'm fine." I say. "See."

"Newt..." Thomas sighs. "You don't have to fine." 

"But I am." I say, my bottom lip trembling. "I am."

Thomas looks at me. "No." He says. "No, you're not."

I bury my face in my hands. I don't say anything. My shoulders start to shake. Thomas puts a hand on my shoulder. 

"I'm sorry, Tommy," I say quietly, taking my head out of my hands. "I'm such an idiot. Why would you even want me anymore? I'm broken. In a million pieces." 

Thomas looks at me. "Newt, I don't care. I love you."

"Really?" I ask. "Why?"

Thomas looks slightly sad but laughs a little bit. "Why do I love you?" I nod. "Well, where do I start? Newt, I'd be easier to list things that aren't reasons. I love you so much and I'm not leaving ever again. I promise. Not ever."

I smile a little bit. He smiles too. "I love you too, Tommy."

He sighs. "I missed you."

I hug him. "I missed you too. So shucking much."

He kisses me and that kiss makes me feel whole again. Like I really do have him back. Like the distance between us is gone. 

A/N: UGH I CAN'T MAKE THEM LONGER I AM SORRYYYYYYYYYY! STUPID WRITERS BLOCK! Ah, well.