Starting New: A World Apart

Chapter 12: A Confession To Be Made

The stars became visible as the sun had now faded from view. Nicole and Gumball were now making their way back. It was a silent trip. Nicole wasn't surprised. So much had happened between them so fast. Nicole was swirling with emotions and thoughts.

'What happens now? What do I say to him? Oh god, did I shatter our fragile relationship? I can't lose him...not again.'

As Gumball trailed behind his mom, he too was  full of emotions and thought.

'She kissed me. She actually kissed me...on the lips? But...why? I got to find out!'

After walking out of the lawn of the park and down their street, the two made it inside. Luckily the moon seemed to have provided enough light to navigate back. As Gumball made his way into his room without a word, Nicole decided she needed to take a shower and think.

The warm water bathed down her form as she was still lost in thought.

'Why did I do that to him? I lost myself for ONE second, and completely changed us...'

Nicole quickly slammed the side of her fist to the shower wall.

'Now I got to explain the reason for doing that. But how do I go about that when I don't even know the reason myself? Oh Gumball...'

Just thinking his name sent back that memory of them kissing. She felt that 'feeling' again. It was warm and spreading throughout her body.

'Why am I feeling this...warm feeling again? I don't think it's from the shower. It feels like the same feeling from...from...'

"Oh my god." Nicole said out loud.

She covered her mouth, and felt her knees give in. She collapsed onto the shower floor. It just came to her. Nicole had finally connected the dots. Something so obvious, yet...so shocking to her. It literally shook her to her core. She...loved him. She loved him, but not the way  she had originally thought. It wasn't parental love. It was...something more. How could she have been so blind?

Nicole felt tears well up in her eyes. What was she thinking? How could she possibly love her son like that? Gumball was her SON. Her own flesh and blood. Someone who she had given birth to. Surely this couldn't be right. She refused to believe it. She couldn't.

As the water continued to cascade down onto her, it did little to stop her shivering. She had to tell him. Best case scenario, he would understand. He would think she was simply confused. Mentally weak from being alone from him for so long. Nicole closed her eyes a moment. The truth was she knew she was stronger mentally. She had made great efforts to train herself to accept he was gone, and to focus on herself. Ever since that night with the knife... Nicole quickly pushed that memory aside. That was something not to linger on. But pushing out one thought replaced it with another one. A scarier one. If she was mentally stronger, why did she collapse suddenly to Gumball just this evening so easy then? Just thinking that lead her back to her previous theory. A theory that was only proving itself more and more.

Nicole then thought of something else. If she told Gumball he loved her...that way, what if he gets angry, or scared of her? What if he leaves her? What if he...

'No. Not that. He would never do that.' She reassured herself.

Then again, she never thought of hurting herself with a knife either...

Nicole let out a heavy sigh, and pinched the bridge of her nose. This was going nowhere. She was overthinking this.

'Just tell him, and be there for him. After a little while, things can settle down, and go back to normal. We can get back to where we were before. We can still be on good terms. Just tell him how you feel...'