Do or Die

Empty

The other two had left. Virgil, was that his name? Didn't something stir when anyone used your name? Those two had used it. They hadn't looked pleased.

He couldn't remember them. Not even vague impressions. Them being there was unnerving in it of itself. Especially the one in loud red.

They had made him prickle in a way that was just so much. Though so much of what, he couldn't be sure. Almost as if there was supposed to be more. He couldn't tell whether it was bad or good. Their expressions though, those certainly weren't good so he had fired.

He hadn't even been aware of being able to do that.Surely that bit of news should have carried a little more weight, yet it didn't. He couldn't tell whether that was bad and whether he should care and that he did. Not. Like.

Then there was Deceit. Him he remembered, so sharply it almost hurt. 

He was unphased per usual. He was probably just overreacting again. He should get himself together.

Deceit mentioned going back to how things were. While that brought a few more questions he couldn't find himself to care about whatever way he was talking about. Sure he loved Deceit and all, at least that's why he stayed with him, right? That's why people stayed with each other.

Ugh this was not okay. There shouldn't be so many holes in everything. And this long, winding thing he couldn't describe. An impression of a bigger whole was the best way he could think of it. 

He just needed to think. Away from noise and Deceit and his complicated mess of something that was looking bad right now. An unspoken message that he may be in an unfavorable situation.

"Empty," he replied to his inquiry of, "are you OK?"

His voice lashed. It made his skin crawl. 

"You can't do anything without me!"

He could still find his room and slam the door just fine. That certainly should have stirred something, anything. At this point he'd take feeling terrified. It was a very different sort of cold. Of something alive compared to the chilled chasm in him now.

'Just let me go,' Virgil mused. 'To the frozen fractals all around.'

A fist formed on his temple. Virgil's breathing was ragged as he tried to gather the racing blurs of thought together. 

"Just think, think you dumb moron," he scolded smacking himself like one would a shitty computer.

Deceit mentioned back to getting back. Getting back to how things were.

"'I can't take this anymore! I never wanted to be... hated by everyone.'"

"'Tough that's our role whether we like it or not.'"

"'Why do you hide us away?'"

'"If Thomas permitted me it had to be for a reason.'"

Had they been angry? Deceit certainly had been. Even when Remus had been at his most chaotic, he'd never screamed at Virgil, much less hurled counterpoints that cut like knives.

His head hurt. Logically the memories just didn't belong to him. Just images with no attachments.

He knew at his core that wasn't normal. There were no answers on that end either. Why did nothing have any meaning?

The floor was cold. An empty room that hadn't had a body to heat it in awhile.

He knocked his head back against the door, harder than he meant to. Feels like he'd already clubbed himself before.