Raven (Fred x oc)

72. Guilt

Dad's hostile voice forced me to tune back in as he said, "Listen, your dad's been hurt while on duty for the Order and the circumstances are fishy enough without his children knowing about it seconds after it happened, you could seriously damage the Order's-"

"We don't care about the dumb Order!" Fred shouted.

"It's our dad dying we're talking about!" George added.

"Your dad knew what he-"

"Dad," I interrupted. "Can I talk to you for a minute?" He let out a short, irritated breath but nodded. "None of you do anything stupid without me," I warned. Dragging Dad into the pantry, I shut the door and snapped, "What is wrong with you?"

"Arthur chose this," Dad countered.

"Dad, their dad might be dead!" I retorted. "How would you feel if it was me in that hospital?"

"I'd barge down there and...oh."

"Yeah," I said. "Dad, give them some grace. Yes, they need to stay here, but just...let me talk to them, okay?"

"Fine," he conceded. We went back in and I stood by Fred.

"Okay, guys, I know you want to be with your dad," I said gently. "But you can't, not yet. Wait to hear from your mum."

"Valerie-" Fred shouted. I grabbed his hand and he sighed. Ginny sank into a chair and one by one, everyone else followed, leaving Harry, Dad, and myself standing. I glanced at Dad before heading upstairs. Rushing into one of the bathrooms, I collapsed by the toilet and threw up. I felt terribly sick and had ever since seeing Arthur like that.

I stayed curled up against the wall, my arms laying across my knees and my forehead perched on those. A small knock on the door caused my eyes to open, but I didn't sit up. "He'll be fine," Dad said. "I thought you'd want to know." I didn't move. My head had numbed out from exhaustion.

With a sigh, Dad crouched down beside me and picked me up. I was so tired I didn't move or protest as he carried me into my old room. "Goodnight, Raven," he sighed. "I love you." I managed a small smile before I finally fell asleep. When I finally awoke, the house was empty apart from Dad.

"Hey," I said tiredly, rubbing my eyes and sitting beside him with a sigh.

"You get any sleep?" Dad asked. I shook my head.

"Not really," I sighed. "I mean, I slept, but I feel more tired than before I fell asleep."

"What's bugging you?" Dad asked.

"Dad, was this all my fault?" I asked. "I mean, I was the one who was supposed to take over after him. I was the one who could have protected him and I wasn't there."

"Why weren't you there?" Dad asked.

"Because I had to fly from Hogwarts to London," I replied. "And I had no idea it was happening."

"So then how could it have been your fault?" Dad countered.

"I don't know," I sighed. "I just wish I could've done something and I got there like a minute too late. It just feels like I was so close to being able to do something..."

"So then it wasn't your fault."

"Right," I replied, frowning slightly.

......................................................................................

Because Arthur was now out of the working orbit, I began having to take more shifts. Christmas Eve, I had a double shift and wasn't able to come back home until five in the morning. Tiredly, I stumbled up the stairs and crawled into bed, ignoring the pile of presents at the foot as I got under the covers. In a few minutes, my body heat had warmed the sheets and covers and I closed my eyes to go to sleep.

When I was just moments away from falling asleep, the door burst open and Fred shouted, "Happy Christmas!"

"Hi," I groaned, not moving.

"What's wrong?"

"I just got in bed to sleep," I defended groggily, rolling over.

Crouching beside me, he teased, "You know, muggle doctors say we're supposed to get at least eight hours of sleep. I think you're falling a little behind." I turned, giving him a playful glare.

"I was doing Order stuff," I replied. "Now I will see you later. I'm getting sleep."

"Okay," he replied. "Sleep well, Luv." I smiled wearily as he kissed my cheek.

"See you later, babe," I replied. After a few hours of sleep, I sat up and finally turned to my presents. For the first time since my fourth year, I got a Weasley sweater. Smiling, I slipped it on over my head. George had given me a mug with 'World's Greatest Captain' on it with 'Quidditch' messily written in sharpie between 'Greatest' and 'Captain.'

I smiled, setting it aside on my bedside table. Harry, Ron, and Hermione had all given me blocks of chocolate from Honeydukes in different flavours. Remus had given me a book about advanced defence. Angelina sent me some new gloves and a scarf and Dad gave me a new invisibility cloak, not one as good as Harry's, but one that would probably last a good five years or so.

Lastly, Fred had given me a new stone ring that was smoother than my other one. I smiled, switching them out. Setting aside all my presents, I got up and finished dressing, leaving on my blue sweater from Mrs. Weasley. Looking up, I saw Khadija. "Hey," I said. "Anyone new?"

"Just a few," she replied. "But it can wait."

"No, it's fine," I replied with a smile. "I can deal with it." The spirits passing on began to become more distinct in the way they passed on. I felt a dulled version of the pain from their death. Once every two days Khadija would bring me some spirits.

When I got down to the kitchen, I saw that everyone was just sitting down for Christmas lunch.

"Hey, Raven," Dad said. "We weren't sure if you'd be joining us."

"Wouldn't miss it for the world," I replied, sitting down next to Fred. "Thanks for the presents, everybody."