So far, throughout my life i think this has been one of my greatest achievements in life. Yes i don't have much of a life other than wattpad really. I remember when i was just starting out, how i was so scared to post my book and @FifiInsanely3, she was the one who pretty much encouraged me to do it. And honestly I love her so much for that, it's literally the greatest thing i've ever done. I've met so many amazing people here and i've helped and advised people, which is something i personally love doing :)
I wanna thank you guys for reading this book. Never thought it would actually have gotten so many views and oh god i can't stop saying this, I appreciate it so much and love and cherish your guys so much, (and again i say) its the best thing i've ever done, my greates creation!! Lol. And......... When i write here i feel so elated. So motivated, as if people care, as if someone is there, i feel as though i am worth it. And a lot of you guys mihgt think that's pathetic but i dont give a damn, if you dont realise! (well at least not now since i have nothing left of myself). Sigh, i am just so proud of this one achievement.......... this one thing that has made me feel loved and cherished and like i deserved the world, you guys made me feel not insane and you guys cared and gave me cyber hugs lol and told me it would be okay that i just needed to push through. It was a whole new world when i was here only because in my world, i was practically alone, alone at school, because everyone had there own life and didn't give a damn if i wanted to die and when i came home, my wrongs were pointed out to me and i was told how to make them right but because i was so weak i couldn't get it right and they were always mad at me and i'm just not enough for them. But it's different here. I don't really know why as yet to be honest? I dont know! But it is/was different and i just wanna say thanks.
As i write this i'm crying, real tears, because, i have to go.
I dont want to pour out my problems on you guys, because its not right sigh.
But right now, I have to go. Nothing seems to matter anymore because this morning he said he has given up. Now I am so lost, so confused, and i can't stop crying because i am scared and practically dying. I feel it, and its scary as hell, all this time i'm here saying I want to die, i partly take it back, because I want to please him, but i want it to end because I dont see how it is possible for me to go on, I can't see a way through any of this, and right now I am what i feared i would become. A failure.
A stupid pathetic failure.
I can't start over because there is no time.
And guys i am so sorry, but as i was saying before, my parents don't really think much of my writng, it nothing to them, its something simple and pathetic to them and when someone says that to me.................................. I feel so broken. Its like they took a knife and just stabbed me in the heart because right there and then everything is shattered. Everything is broken and my thoughts and my mind is everywhere, like dust, sand, just gone in the damn wind, its everywhere and i can't focus or function. And i settle in depression. Yes i've been there before so i know whats about to happen. Today, right now... My depression begins and what can i do about it.... NOTHING. Because i am so burdened and so tired and so confused and frustrated and angry and i am just bursting with all these bundles of emotions, just... rage.
Guys, i am tired.
And i feel like it's over. My life. It's done for. I failed two tests that i got this week, because i couldn't study, my mind was too busy................................... And whats gonna happen when they find out...... I dont want to say.
Guys i dont want to die, i dont want to fail. I don't want to FAIL. And i dont want to say goodbye!!!
I dont want to give up!
