Just as a thought.
So as I grew, it only popped up..........
As a thought,
Just as a backup plan.
To run away from what things really are.
To push everyone away and say "YOU DON"T UNDERSTAND!"
I began to crumble to pieces as I realized what I had done,
Because soon, they stopped caring, they accepted what is said about not caring and they moved on without me...... Remember it’s my fault but yet i sit here crying silently, asking, in barely whisper "How could they do this to me?"
I shake my head.......
What the hell have I done?!
Yes I told you before it started just as a mere thought.
"What would it be like if I could forget? If I could die?"
All those questions in my little brain as I blossomed into the monster that I am now
Suddenly time started to fly by and it happened too quickly, didn't give me time to adjust.
I did it.
Finally
The pain was............... So much, yet just what I needed.
It is what I wanted.
It became my drug.
I am so attached to it that after a while, I was doing it to calm myself.
To relax, instead of inflicting pain
What the hell did it do?!?!
It has consumed my thoughts and my prayers. It's become my weakness and I’m afraid.
I am afraid it will become me, destroy who I was made to be......
And this is all because of what happened in my mind, what happened two years ago.
