surrender || obikin [COMPLETED]

33

The next couple of weeks passed us by in a blur of monotony: wake up in anakin's room, get in the shower, sit in the council room, board the negotiator, board a gunship, arrive at the battlefield, lose a lot of men. Then, it was back on the gunship, back on the negotiator, back in the council room, meditating if I was lucky, taking another shower, once again sleeping in anakin's room. 

The loop played itself over and over again to the point where I thoroughly believed I'd die of exhaustion before a battle droid or sith lord had the chance to strike me down. One rare evening when I found myself with an hour or two of free time, lying on my back on my couch as Anakin tiredly prepared some food and Ahsoka sloppily tried to attempt Djem So in the corner, I voiced this opinion aloud. 

Ahsoka muttered a "I agree," between trying to get footwork right, and Anakin only sighed and nodded. I smiled at him, and he made an irreverent hand gesture back. I merely chuckled.

Force I was so glad to have Anakin- I swore he was the only thing sustaining me. 

It was his sarcasm, his snide remarks, his laughs, and his force-damned lips that were holding me back from literally falling off of my council seat and never standing back up again. At night, between battles, his hands found a way to ground me, his fingers against my skin pulled me back to the present and reminded me there was a reason to keep going. His eyes- like azure flames that somehow shone, even in the dark- kept me alert when I felt as though my life had begun to lunge endlessly downward. His mind was a crutch to my weary one - and mine to his. I'd rid myself of the shields I'd put around our bond, and now his mind against mine was like a constant source of... something like caffeine, I figured.

Would I call it dependency? 

No. 

This symbiotic relationship had been in place for much longer than my feelings had been more than platonic; We'd always relied on each other in battle, always thought on the same mental frequency on missions. He'd never been as successful without me, and I without him. 

The way I had begun to think of the reliance I now had for him was more of a white flag. 

Anakin and his powerful love had been like a storm brewing on the horizon, a flood seeping below the feeble doors I'd put in place to keep him away from me, to hold onto the stupid "perfect Jedi" image I'd always believed was everything to me. 

Anakin was unavoidable - we'd entangled ourselves far too complicatedly to escape each other now. 

No, this was not dependency. 

This was not reliance, per se.

This... 

This was succumbing to an inevitable fever. 

This was closing your eyes to inescapable sleep. 

This, I realized as I gazed at him, was....

surrender.