For you I would ruin myself

eleven

Oh fuck no.

No, this can't be happening.

It's not real, it's just overthinking. This can't be real.

Thoughts race through Lyla's mind the second she arrives back at home and has trapped herself in her room.

This cannot be fucking real. Shit!

Lyla hates it when Lexie's right. She hates it so much.

Lyla did sort of hope that Lexie could be right about this, but really she was begging for the first time that she'd be wrong.

Lyla: come over tmrw? or i go to yours?

Lexie: why

Lyla: just are you free for like most of the afternoon tmrw

Lexie: yea

Lexie: come over to mine then, after lunch

Lyla: thats good thanks

This can't be real.

**

Lyla essentially runs to Lexie's once she wakes up and has some toast. She's still in her sweatpants, but who cares. She frantically knocks on her door, rings the doorbell a few too many times, but again who cares.

"Chill out little miss," Lexie says cheerfully, greeting Lyla into the house. Lyla doesn't looked chill at all, in fact she looks the exact opposite of chill. "Or um- don't chill. My room?"

Lyla nods keeping her mouth shut.

The second they enter her room, Lyla jumps right into Lexie's bed and pushes her head into the pillows, "I hate you so much, I hate your eyes and your brain I hate it all, cause they're always right about the worst things ever. You're too fucking smart, so you're right about everything and it's just so very very annoying."

"Thank you? I've never got too smart from you before," Lexie sits at the end of the bed and is probably really lost.

Lyla rolls around, now she's looking at the ceiling and she just stares for a good minute or two, until, "I think I'm in love with him."

"Oh thank you God," Lexie exclaims.

"No, not 'thank you God'. This is the worst," she throws herself to sit up. "I forgot how horrible this is cause now I'm required to feel in silence, while I fall in love with one of my best friends and he has no clue whatsoever."

"Not if I tell him, the two of us are going out to the pier tonight, I'm assuming you're not gonna come cause you hate it there."

"Lexie, I swear to the fucking heavens above, if you tell him, I will end your life. You cannot tell him. You're forbidden from telling a soul about any of this."

"Is it really that bad?"

"Well, yeah, the last time I fell in love with my best friend, he– you know," Lyla shouts. "It's fucking horrible, Ashton is too sweet for me to break him, I can't break him the way he broke me, I can't do that. I cannot even physically think about doing that."

Lexie acknowledges the point she's made, "I've told you, they're different people, Ashton is so so so much better than him and you know it."

"This is so shitty and depressing, I hate it."

"If you're gonna keep being sad, I might literally drag you to the pier and have just a bit of fun with me."

Lyla thinks about it. She hasn't been in a while, it could be nice? But her thoughts stop, "Ashton's gonna be there though."